Elden Ring All Weapons List

In this guide, all the weapons in Elden Ring are explained for you according to their good and bad properties.

Ranking All Elden Ring Weapons From Worst to Best

Everything was ranked with all kinds of different criteria in mind, how fun the movesets are, how effective they are against however many types of enemies, damage, range, consistency, just about everything down to how they look artistically.

№ 308 — Soldier’s Crossbow

Soldier’s Crossbow Weapon type — Crossbow Requirement: 10 Strength 8 Dexterity So I rearranged this list multiple times to make sure it made at least some amount of objective sense while also staying consistent with my other rankings in the past. And in doing so, I accidentally deleted whatever I first had for this paragraph for the crossbow. So instead of trying to remember what I wrote, I’m just going to use that as an opportunity to demonstrate how tremendously angry the existence of this crossbow makes me. The math says this is the weakest crossbow, but on top of that, it’s also available only by farming soldiers with a 4% drop chance, and being forced to farm soldiers might be the single most agonizingly boring task I can think of in the entirety of this game. It’s right up there with picking ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ berries for your horse.

№ 307 — Sentry’s Torch

Sentry’s Torch Weapon type — Torch Requirement: 15 Strength 8 Dexterity 15 Faith Yep, we’re including torches too. Torches by themselves offer surprisingly okay backup damage if you’re offhanding one in a cave somewhere, but this particular torch does holy damage instead of fire damage. It’s the only torch you can’t detach the default skill from, meaning you’re stuck with that torch attack business if you’re ever using it to fight a blackknife. 7,000 runes is a remarkably steep price for a weapon I will only ever use twice, neither of which involve using it as an actual weapon. The only instance of an invisible Black Knife that isn’t in Ordina is in the Sage’s Cave, and I mean, this game’s been out for 18 months, give or take. Fighting these chicks invisible isn’t too big a deal, okay? Am I allowed to say that? This thing weighs five pounds?!

№ 306 — Weathered Straight Sword

Weathered Straight Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 7 Strength 10 Dexterity The base damage just barely outperforms the shortsword while owning the worst scaling of all straightswords in the game, in addition to it taking effort to farm from nobles that use them. And that’s not even pointing out the fact that this sword was designed not just to play bad, but even to look bad. Few item descriptions are more hopeless-sounding than this one. Whatever little detailing it had withered away with time, as did all of its use. In range, power, utility, even in aesthetic, this straightsword gets left behind by all others in its class by a decisive and significant margin.

№ 305 — Rotten Crystal Staff

Rotten Crystal Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 8 Strength 48 Intelligence The mere existence of this weapon practically personifies disappointment. It is the ultimate summation of deception, uselessness, and redundancy. We literally see Crystallians in the Haligtree, inflicting rot buildup with their magic. Crystal sorceries are underwhelming as is, and adding a tinge of status to them may have been exactly what they would have needed to stand out and perform. So I get not wanting to add rot buildup to every single sorcery from a gameplay standpoint, but it literally makes less sense not to give rot status to crystal sorceries with this staff. No, it only counts when you’re bonking ♥♥♥♥ with it. Well, now you can power stance crystal staffs, so I guess it’s not terminally hopeless.

№ 304 — Whip

Whip Weapon type — Whip Requirement: 8 Strength 14 Dexterity Whips as a weapon type have mostly been met with dismissal for years, and unless you’re planning a playthrough as Trevor Belmont, the average player is probably never gonna look at them seriously. Whips are the kinds of weapons you usually need to force to work, and Elden Ring has some notable exceptions. The Hoslow’s Petal Whip and Giant’s Red Braid stand out with performance that’s not just great, but consistent. The Urumi offers whip users more variety in physical damage because of its slash and thrust attacks, and the standard whip does absolutely none of this. Like, it has no unique attributes that make it stand out whatsoever, which is something you desperately need on a weapon that can’t even perform critical attacks. Weapons like this are why whips have the overlooked reputation that they usually do.

№ 303 — Ghostflame Torch

Ghostflame Torch Weapon type — Torch Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity 14 Intelligence All in all, not bad for a torch. If it sounds like I’m trying really hard to take this seriously, that’s because I am. This torch should just not be this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hard to reach. It just shouldn’t. Seeing the purple item past this little jump here made me feel like it was gonna be, like, an actual weapon with some degree of usefulness. Torches are only thematic by design, and the only reason I’m considering them weapons in the first place is because some of them have unique weapon skills, and fire on a stick, believe it or not, is a surprisingly capable weapon against rats and vermin. This torch is not.

№ 302 — Ivory Sickle

Ivory Sickle Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 6 Strength 11 Dexterity 13 Intelligence I’m gonna be honest, Erdsteel Dagger was really close to taking the spot for the worst dagger on my list, but after seeing some feedback and messing around with it myself on a NewGame+ save, there are surprisingly a lot of ways to make it work, and it works well. And I’m glad I hesitated, because when I found my way over to the Ivory Sickle, I couldn’t believe what I was even looking at. Why is there an INT requirement for a weapon used by a race of beings that are synonymous with Arcane? It can’t be infused with any Ash of War, but demands to be upgraded with regular Smithing Stones, and that little bit of magic damage on it prevents it from accepting weapon buffs of any kind, including consumables. If Terminally Ill were a weapon, it’d probably be this one.

№ 301 — Torch

Torch Weapon type — Torch Requirement: 5 Strength 5 Dexterity It’s a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ torch. It does fire damage. It has all the benefits of fire damage weapons like procking certain stagger effects on certain enemies, and it has okay attack speed, but that’s me really trying to find something good to say.

№ 300 — Harp Bow

Harp Bow Weapon type — Light bow Requirement: 9 Strength 9 Dexterity This is why people think bows can only be used for status. This single weapon is why. Well, at least it looks cool.

№ 299 — Iron Spear

Iron Spear Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 13 Strength 11 Dexterity Nothing about this weapon makes any sense. I don’t get why anyone would ever choose this over the Partisan. I don’t get why it’s locked behind an astronomically low drop rate at a late game area, forever dooming it to an oblivion of incomprehensible non-appearance. It never goes above B-scaling on anything, no matter what affinity you slap on it, and it weighs only four and a half pounds despite being made purely of metal. Most of you probably don’t even know this exists. I sure as ♥♥♥♥ didn’t.

№ 298 — Cane Sword

Cane Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 8 Strength 11 Dexterity It’s lighter than most other straight swords. That’s all the good I have to say about it. The description makes sure you know the quality of the item you just picked up by saying it was repurposed as a walking stick, and the tip of the blade has been blunted over time. You might as well have just picked up a metal pipe.

№ 297 — Varre’s Bouquet

Varre’s Bouquet Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 8 Strength 16 Dexterity 24 Arcane This weapon is indisputable proof that FromSoft fans will find any reason to say something is good as long as it looks pretty. I’m- I’m sorry. 46 base damage! With no other damage type, and it can’t be infused. Not to mention this kinda looks more like a catalyst than it does a hammer. At least give it a dagger moveset or something. It’s just a bouquet of flowers. Look at how slow this thing is!

№ 296 — Caestus

Caestus Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 8 Strength 8 Dexterity Very easily replaced by the Spiked Caestus, which offers slightly higher base damage and bleed buildup at the expense of being a half pound heavier. I wish that could be the end of my complaints with this one, but there is a glaring issue with these weapons specifically, and most of you who’ve tried to make them work probably know what it is. With fist weapons, you are sacrificing a lot of range. Obviously. That- that’s fine. It wouldn’t make sense to give these things the reach of a sword spear. And the player character is barely 5’3″, so I’m not expecting Mike Tyson haymakers or anything. What I am expecting is to not whiff the first couple R1s in my combo while literally pixels away from someone’s face.

№ 295 — Torchpole

Torchpole Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 14 Strength 15 Dexterity Look, I completely understand why you can’t buff or infuse this weapon. It’s literally just fire on a stick. Would be kinda dumb if you started putting people to sleep with it or something. But why did you need to remove the Faith scaling? It wasn’t pulling weight or anything, this is still just some dude’s backyard decoration, but at least it had a little flexibility to it. This change was made in June of last year, and there were so many pressing issues you probably could have devoted energy to. But no, no, no, those godforsaken Torchpole invaders have been spoiling PvP and we gotta do something. ♥♥♥♥ you for making me waste all my smithing stones on this.

№ 294 — Celebrant’s Cleaver

Celebrant’s Cleaver Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 12 Strength 8 Dexterity I may be in the minority here, but I feel like tying a weapon to a certain enemy that only drops it 2-4% of the time is almost a guarantee that people will overlook it. Each successful hit granting 10 roots to the player when I’ve already been collecting thousands of them farming for the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing in the first place sounds like a joke someone snuck into the Fextralife wiki just to see how long it would stay there. But surprisingly, that’s what it does. That’s it, that’s the entire gimmick.

№ 293 — Gelmir Glintstone Staff

Gelmir Glintstone Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 6 Strength 14 Intelligence 14 Faith Can’t even climb to 320 scaling with both 80 Int and Faith. This is objectively the worst staff. It gives a boost to sorceries that either underperform with the boost or overperform without it. It’s only obtainable by farming some of the most annoying mobs the creative team has ever unearthed from the recesses of their ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up heads. And if you’re being outclassed by the Prince of Death Staff, then we’re really in bad shape. The only reason I would still rank the Rotten Crystal Staff lower is because this one at least isn’t misleadingly bad.

№ 292 — Flowing Curved Sword

Flowing Curved Sword Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 9 Strength 17 Dexterity I always thought it was neat how Elden Ring reflects its lore through its gameplay. The strongest demigods in the lore actually felt like the hardest fights and with a notable exception here and there, the legendary armaments always performed a good league or two above their peers. Making this profoundly disappointing vertical descent plane crash of a weapon a very strange case. I refuse to believe this was the sword that sealed away the God of Rot. No unique skill, no redeeming properties aside from a cool-looking heavy attack animation for Fashion Souls users and its keen affinity can just barely muster up an A-scaling.

№ 291 — Forked Hatchet

Forked Hatchet Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 9 Strength 14 Dexterity Rendered barely usable due to it being the shortest axe in the game. The attacks are at least faster than the base axe moveset, but that’s not to say you’re dishing out punishment at the speed of light or anything. It’s still a hatchet. You’re still almost always going to be better off using pretty much any dagger with blood affinity and the charged heavy could only be harder to land if you tied a kettlebell to the hilt.

№ 290 — Flail

Flail Weapon type — Flail Requirement: 10 Strength 18 Dexterity 18 Dex for a weapon I found at a chest 5 minutes into the game is a hard enough sell, but I really tried to like these things. The moveset is just awkward, the spinny-charged R2 animation looks weird, and the fact that it can’t be parried gives you next to no benefit in a PvE situation and barely any benefit in PvP if I’m being honest, if only because people seem more interested in power-stancing Vikes. There are a couple that are better later on, but a stat requirement like this at the very beginning of the game only guarantees that I’m overlooking it.

№ 289 — Serpent-God’s Curved Sword

Serpent-God’s Curved Sword Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 13 Strength 9 Dexterity At least the health bonus still procs when you’re two-handing a heavier, much more damaging weapon, so you don’t have to feel bad about leaving this gimmicky iron stick in its sheath, where it ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ belongs.

№ 288 — Loretta’s War Sickle

Loretta’s War Sickle Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 20 Strength 15 Dexterity 20 Intelligence The War Sickle is, by almost every tangible measure, an irredeemably birdshit weapon. It has a skill that you can put on any other halberd, but using this weapon means you’re stuck with it. Can’t infuse or buff it, the lowest stat requirement just so happens to be its highest scaling, meaning you are going to ♥♥♥♥ this weapon up unless someone online literally tells you how to build for it, and the moveset being what it is isn’t nearly a good enough reason to make me second-guess my guardian’s magic sword spear that I’ve been shoving up the ass of the whole kingdom for the last 17 hours.

№ 287 — Great Club

Great Club Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 35 Strength You know what? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s not irredeemable. It is awful, but it’s not hopeless. Holy damage gives it a bit more nuance, but the split damage is just gonna make it harder to pierce enemy defenses. You didn’t need to add the part about it being the elbow of one of the 57 Erdtree Avatars we’re pretending to give a ♥♥♥♥ about. I don’t get why that’s there, it just seems unnecessary. Weapon skill that I can’t change but have to strain my eyes to the point of blood vessels popping to see anything remotely good about it. And it drops from the stone digger troll, which… which just makes no sense. Great for cosplay purposes, though.

№ 286 — Mantis Blade

Mantis Blade Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 10 Strength 12 Dexterity Curved swords are already neglected enough as is, but this weapon is very uniquely hateable in my eyes. Look at how ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ short this thing is. Is this a joke? I imagine my experience with this weapon was pretty similar to everyone else’s. I picked it up, thought it looked cool, went straight to the top of the weapon select where the daggers were, and became visibly upset when I couldn’t find it. No innate bleed even though the shades don’t have any problem inflicting it on you. A charged heavy that makes up for the reach at the expense of just feeling incredibly awkward, and it never climbs past B scaling on any affinity. I have no idea what this sword needs, but it needs something.

№ 285 — Crystal Knife

Crystal Knife Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 8 Strength 12 Dexterity 9 Intelligence The stat requirements seem to favor decks, but it isn’t until you upgrade it all the way at the tippity-top when you realize strength is just barely more useful. And I’ve stated this before in past videos, but daggers with strength and int scaling really just make me chuckle. You had all these options to go with, and you decided this melted lollipop-looking slab of depression was gonna be what carries your run. If I really strain and try my utmost hardest to come up with something positive about this knife, the split damage does matter less as progression continues, and both the physical and magic damage end up being quite high, which makes it a decent offhand weapon in NewGame+.

№ 284 — Troll’s Hammer

Troll’s Hammer Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 28 Strength 8 Dexterity 10 Faith Trolls are descendants from the Gi- Oh, okay, so that’s why the fire damage is here. They’re Giants’ descendants. A pseudo-unique weapon that can’t be infused, which means you’re stuck with Troll’s Roar, but still demands a dump truck load of regular smithing stones that only become more and more of a nuisance to search for. This hammer is heartbreakingly mediocre, because it’s missing just a couple things that could’ve made it good. It’s buffable, at least, and it still hits hard, but it’s nothing short of an insult when any semblance of flexibility is lost down the back of the sofa in exchange for 110 fire damage on a +25. You know what? ♥♥♥♥ yourself. This weapon doesn’t deserve to be good.

№ 283 — Crepus’s Black-Key Crossbow

Crepus’s Black-Key Crossbow Weapon type — Crossbow Requirement: 14 Strength 16 Dexterity Pointless. Just pointless. The range on this maxes out at 47, yet it’s supposed to be equipped for sniping. And when something is being outclassed by a weapon category as devitalizingly dry as longbows, there’s really nothing left to say about it except just pointing at it and laughing.

№ 282 — Warpick

Warpick Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 11 Strength 9 Dexterity Just, what the hell is this? I guess anyone who wanted to cosplay as a Godrick soldier is gonna have to settle for freelance carpentry worker. I respect the Warpick for at least one reason, which is the fact that it isn’t some oversized dragon femur with nipple tassels that does cosmic damage or something. But the sudden interest in realistically proportioned weapons just means it ends up looking like a toothpick in comparison. And now you feel like all the random soldiers are looking down on you because they all got access to the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ deluxe editions. Also, some pierced damage would have been nice since that’s, you know, the point of a Warpick.

№ 281 — Celebrant’s Skull

Celebrant’s Skull Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 18 Strength 12 Dexterity One of the weakest and shortest of the Great Hammers by a fatally wide margin. But the low stat requirements and the fact that it’s only eight and a half pounds makes it the only Great Hammer to be limited to sidearm status. But 20 runes on hit means it’s good with prelate charge and wild strikes, so that’s cool, I guess. Otherwise, you should probably throw it in the trash.

№ 280 — Clawmark Seal

Clawmark Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: 4 Strength 10 Faith The bottom line is, boosting three or four incantations isn’t worth the ocean-wide power gap between this seal and many others. I understand that Cinquedea is pretty out of the way in terms of platforming, but at least an extra bestial boost isn’t the only benefit to getting it. With the Clawmark Seal, I’m genuinely confused as to what I’m supposed to be using it for. It loses out to pretty much every seal in the game on raw faith, and it’s only if you’re building right where it barely begins to stand out. Still struggling to climb above 300 scaling with 60 Strength and Faith. There’s little point when you can find the Dragon Communion Seal at the very beginning of the game, and, spoiler alert, it’s gonna be all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ day before we get around to ranking that one.

№ 279 — Nightrider Flail

Nightrider Flail Weapon type — Flail Requirement: 10 Strength 24 Dexterity Alright, emergency meeting. Whose idea was it to put innate bleed on a weapon class with no bleed ashes of war? Who made this oversight? 83 bleed buildup on a +25 anything is almost as cursed as you can get with in-game weapons. But the Nightrider Flail, I would say, only slightly beats out the regular flail in terms of usability because of its longer reach and higher base damage. Otherwise, it’s the exact same plunger with a different coat of paint. I’d love to be able to underline the benefit of it not being parry-able a little more, but people in the Colosseum are almost entirely more interested in power-stancing great spears than they are slapping someone with a kitchen strainer.

№ 278 — Rosus’ Axe

Rosus’ Axe Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 18 Strength 10 Dexterity 18 Intelligence The only case I could ever make for the weapon skill is that its intelligence requirements are significantly lower than the actual sorcery. But unless you’re just dying to get your hands on the stopping power of Tibia’s summons, then it’s probably best that this axe stays hidden in the corner of a dungeon where it belongs.

№ 277 — Spear

Spear Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 12 Strength 15 Dexterity That initial C in Dex scaling is the single most misleading letter in the entirety of this game. It’s such a shame that the stats end up shafting a weapon that looks this satisfyingly symmetrical and just pretty. And that 2% drop rate makes zero sense when I’m finding hundreds of them in the round table hold with their own dedicated shelves. This weapon deserves so much more than it got. It’s already one of the shorter spears and with a basic moveset, but I guess sometimes weapons really are that basic.

№ 276 — Battle Hammer

Battle Hammer Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 26 Strength 8 Dexterity I have a genuine question. Was the relocation of this hammer ultimately because 26 Strength was considered too much of an investment to expect from early game characters? Because if so, then that great axe hanging out near the bridge is something we need to talk about. This is also the first weapon on this list that can earn an S scaling in any stat with the appropriate affinity. And I promise it’s deserved because this earns the spot for the single shortest great hammer and a whopping 4% drop rate from the two muscled ♥♥♥♥♥ hanging out by the Leyndell Colosseum instead of being a guaranteed drop from the one in Murkwater like it used to be. So, no idea why this sudden change of heart here on this one, but it doesn’t make sense.

№ 275 — Rotten Battle Hammer

Rotten Battle Hammer Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 26 Strength 8 Dexterity Slightly less damage, but it inflicts rot this time. 65 buildup is noticeably slow on a weapon like a great hammer and I don’t think we should be compromising base damage on a weapon that’s already as malnourished as it is.

№ 274 — Jawbone Axe

Jawbone Axe Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 14 Strength 8 Dexterity Base drop rate is 2%, so I’m already disinterested enough, but it struggles to maintain good damage no matter what affinity you place on it. A scaling on heavy affinity is the best you’ll ever get. Having strike damage on an axe doesn’t make it quirky, it just makes me feel like an idiot for not using a hammer.

№ 273 — Staff of the Guilty

Staff of the Guilty Weapon type — Glintston staff Requirement: 8 Strength 12 Faith This staff, and subsequently the properties of it, is a pioneering example of why bottlenecking the performance and utility of a certain weapon or tool and then making up for it by giving it cool lore and visual design does nothing but just piss everyone off. The question was never why it scaled with Faith, that part’s fine. The concern everyone had was why it didn’t scale with arcane, and I don’t see how you can’t entertain that idea and also stay true to the backstory you’re giving the staff. It’s a very uniquely frustrating circumstance that actively prevents me from enjoying the staff whenever I’m using it.

№ 272 — Forked Greatsword

Forked Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 14 Strength 16 Dexterity Whoopee, more farming! Get out your silver foots if you have any left. Saying this is the second shortest greatsword pulls slightly less weight in this weapon category only because all the greatswords seem to be pretty close to each other in length. But what I don’t understand is the funky looking greatswords like this usually have a unique heavy attack or something that’s slightly different about how it plays. But this sadly ends up being a case of really cool visual design on a weapon that’s as useful as a ham sandwich.

№ 271 — Celebrant’s Sickle

Celebrant’s Sickle Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 6 Strength 11 Dexterity Giving a passive rune gain per hit on an enemy to a weapon I’m being forced to farm in the first place feels like a psyop. It falls under the obscure subtype of sickle weaponry with damage that goes through shields which is a utility that’s actually very useful on longer weapons like scythes and some bigger curved swords. But if you have a dagger build you’re probably much more interested in getting behind someone than you are trying to brute force your way through a shield. It even has the quick-step ash as a default so what even is the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ point?

№ 270 — Scepter of the All-Knowing

Scepter of the All-Knowing Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 12 Strength 18 Dexterity 21 Intelligence You’ve seen axes with strike damage now it’s time for me to introduce the hammer with thrusting attacks. I’m guessing because of those weird fingernails slightly protruding past the blunt of the weapon. I really hope that’s the reason because it’s starting to seem like we’re just throwing whatever subtype of damage we want on something just so we can call it niche. I don’t give a ♥♥♥♥ how good it is at roll catching in PvP. Do you know how exhausted I am of using Sword of Night and Flame and Prince of Death’s Staff just because I ventured past NewGame+1? This could have been a brilliant int-faith weapon that could have given some variety to NewGame+ builds. But nah, we’re just stuck with whatever this is.

№ 269 — Duelist Greataxe

Duelist Greataxe Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 30 Strength 10 Dexterity Shortest colossal weapon with the highest base damage somehow but that means precisely ♥♥♥♥ and all when weapon scaling for both physical stats is this reprehensibly bad. Dex colossal weapons are very few and far between which is already uncomfortable enough but there’s a much bigger reason this weapon is so low for me. This axe used to be a guaranteed drop from a specific grave warden duelist and that is no longer the case. It now has to be looted from standard enemy grave duelists like most other weapons and that’s a pretty glaring problem when a large portion of said enemies don’t respawn after being defeated.

№ 268 — Mace

Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 12 Strength 7 Dexterity Being the weakest or the shortest weapon is a position that must be handed out to at least one per class. It doesn’t always mean it’s ineffective or bad in any situation but it’s sadly a title that has to belong somewhere. Here’s a perfect example of a weapon that’s not only the weakest and shortest it also has certain attacks that have lots of trouble connecting with certain enemies. The hammer counterattack animation can just whip right past the heads of smaller enemies and not travel enough distance to connect with larger ones. There’s no nuancing a potential benefit out of a weapon with this many setbacks. It’s just plain bad.

№ 267 — Rotten Greataxe

Rotten Greataxe Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 30 Strength 10 Dexterity Oh yeah, sure. Let’s take the version of this axe covered in grimy red pus and cancer. You know, that one deserves a guaranteed drop. That other one? That one without any specific detailing which vastly expands its cosplay potential? Yeah, that one go ♥♥♥♥ itself in its fat ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ass. Once you finally get your hands on a version of this axe you begin realizing just how little you were missing. Primarily scales with dex but requires 30 Strength forcing you to two-hand it never goes above a low B with any affinity and the only hope of actually procking rot with this thing is given in the form of weapon ashes like Prelate’s Charge which just ends up being better on most other weapons anyways.

№ 266 — Zamor Curved Sword

Zamor Curved Sword Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 16 Strength 18 Dexterity Another case of the weakest, shortest dilemma where one title is inevitably given to at least one unfortunate weapon per class but only few are truly unlucky enough to be punished with both at the same time. The unique R1 chain is significantly slower than the standard Curved Greatsword moveset and I declared on an old video that I liked the unique skill variant much more but the Ice Storm Sorcery has received multiple buffs ever since making the choice a little harder to make between the two. There’s no intelligence requirement for the weapon which sounds nice but feels very awkward when the unique skill only deals magic damage.

№ 265 — Gargoyle’s Black Halberd

Gargoyle’s Black Halberd Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 26 Strength 10 Dexterity 22 Faith The standard Gargoyle weapons are among the most underappreciated arsenals in the game. What they lack in reach is made up for with wonderful scaling, they’re not a chore to collect, and they can be infused and buffed like other standard weapons. The Black Blade variants are none of those things and are objectively worse choices because of it. The damage is split almost evenly between physical and holy which means it’s ♥♥♥♥ at both which not only is the worst element to choose for plenty of reasons I’ve spent over a year explaining but the way it’s split gives no clear damage focus and the fact that it’s split relatively even between two types means it only has to work that much harder to penetrate enemy defense.

№ 264 — Serpent Bow

Serpent Bow Weapon type — Bow Requirement: 8 Strength 15 Dexterity 11 Arcane Some may argue that the Serpent Bow being a short bow would massively enhance its build up to a point that teeters on the edge of imbalance but 15 extra points of poison per arrow is not a noticeable difference when Serpent Arrows already do a base of 78 when fired from any regular bow. If anything, it might bring standard poison bone arrows up to a point of actual usefulness but with Mighty Shot’s overwhelmingly dominant status, that’s a grand total of 25.5 additional poison build up per arrow totaling out to 104 if used with Serpent Arrows. That is the Serpent Bow’s ceiling of efficiency and it’s still barely enough to be called somewhat competent.

№ 263 — Monk’s Flameblade

Monk’s Flameblade Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 18 Strength 18 Dexterity What the ♥♥♥♥ is this? Serrated blade design but no bleed build up which makes no sense thematically. Dedicated Fire Monk design but no innate fire damage. The Flame Mace gets a unique R2 attack but this gets nothing and an impressively bad 4% drop rate from a particular enemy that there are maybe two of in the whole game. Almost all of the monks use the mace over the curved greatsword. If not even the monks want anything to do with it, how am I supposed to be interested?

№ 262 — Glintstone Staff

Glintstone Staff Weapon type — Glintston staff Requirement: 6 Strength 10 Intelligence It’s been almost two years and I’m still desperately trying to think up a single good reason why this staff even takes up file space in the game and I legitimately can’t think of one. It’s a staff with mediocre scaling locked behind a drop rate from farming wandering nobles. It’s only ever seen on the Prisoner starting class when the low requirements on the Demi-Human Queen’s Staff probably would have made a little more contextual sense. It has the simplest visual design of any staff and the item description offers no backstory on anything. Why does this staff exist? Because I genuinely don’t think it should.

№ 261 — Grafted Dragon

Grafted Dragon Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 20 Strength 14 Dexterity 16 Faith It’s a ♥♥♥♥ weapon with a ♥♥♥♥ gimmick but it’s one of those weird cases that make me feel a bit of sympathy for whoever’s idea this was. The unique skill by itself is plenty enough evidence that at least one person tried really hard to make this weapon fun and it even has a convenient damage bonus modifier of 10% against dragons. But it suffers from barely any flexibility or reach just due to the weapon class it’s in. It’s split between three different stat requirements which is way too overwhelming for something you get from the very first Legacy boss and honestly, split damage is still split damage even if it is fire.

№ 260 — Beast-Repellent Torch

Beast-Repellent Torch Weapon type — Torch Requirement: 12 Strength 8 Dexterity I’m aware of there being a growing subtype of player who wants nothing more than to ham fist literal non-weapons into viability by stacking themselves with so many buffs that it looks like they’re rehearsing a Dragon Ball Z episode and then demonstrating damage that can barely keep up with most standard weapons. But those buffs needing to be there for that damage to be achieved lends itself to the fact that torch builds are permanently stuck in meme tier. So the fact that a random torch even made it this far is unmistakably impressive. The utility is wonderful against dogs but all it really works on is dogs and wolves. It doesn’t repel ants, bats, or snails making it feel less like a utility and more like a missed opportunity.

№ 259 — Shotel

Shotel Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 9 Strength 19 Dexterity Sneaking around the defenses of shields is nothing new for curved swords. The Shotel has been a part of your arsenal since Demon’s Souls so it’s got some pretty big shoes to fill. Sadly, those shoes are now filled with concrete. Any benefit that extra guard negation will give you is almost entirely eclipsed by the fact that this is the third shortest curved sword with the lowest base damage in its class limiting the weapon’s potential to various status builds which is very odd considering this is one of the only iterations of the Shotel that doesn’t come with innate bleed.

№ 258 — Gargoyle’s Black Axe

Gargoyle’s Black Axe Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 24 Strength 8 Dexterity 22 Faith These paragraphs are going to be written roughly the same since the drawbacks are all shared among the weapons of its type. Exceedingly poor reach, split holy damage, the benefits of strength scaling on its standard counterparts are noticeably absent, the lack of unique skills despite all the Black Blade Gargoyles having modified special attacks to reflect their association with the Rune of Death, and the fact that they’re generally more out of the way and locked behind much harder bosses. If we get to a Black Blade weapon and I start talking about something entirely unrelated, it’s just because I’m bored.

№ 257 — Family Heads

Family Heads Weapon type — Flail Requirement: 8 Strength 18 Dexterity 16 Intelligence Alternatively called the Dad Flail due to its humorously coincidental scaling, this flail will almost always be used exclusively for its unique skill which is just a souped up variant of Ancient Death Rancor. The unique ash scales well enough with Intelligence but the weapon seeing the most physical benefits from Dex scaling places it in a really awkward spot where it just becomes no more than a glorified casting stick that can only shoot one spell with an unnecessarily prolonged cast animation.

№ 256 — Shortbow

Shortbow Weapon type — Light bow Requirement: 8 Strength 10 Dexterity The scaling on this bow is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ liar. A shallow facade hidden behind a pair of Ds. The actual scaling only climbs to a .26 which is just barely enough to scoot past the failure line and earn a D in both physical stats. Well, this bow earns a D alright, as in directions to the trash can which is where this bow ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ belongs.

№ 255 — Envoy’s Horn

Envoy’s Horn Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 10 Strength 12 Dexterity 16 Faith Cosplaying as a bubble-blowing double baby means nothing if it comes with the staggeringly hefty price of being locked in an uncancellable animation for three seconds. And waiting for the hammer to spool up that face-punchingly impressive 110 base damage leaves you open to plenty of harm while the Longhorn’s unique skill spreads them out in a cone resulting in more damage, stagger potential and a surprisingly quicker animation despite being a larger weapon. There’s no reason to go for this over the Longhorn but I think most people already knew that.

№ 254 — Battle Axe

Battle Axe Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 12 Strength 8 Dexterity It’s just a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ axe. It’s average on all accounts, albeit with less hyper armor on its charged attacks than most alternatives. The Highland Axe requires one more dexterity to wield than the standard Battle Axe and every single starting class begins with at least nine dexterity so there’s zero maintenance outside of just picking it up. Its early obsolescence coupled with its average stats make for a very easily replaceable weapon.

№ 253 — Bastard Sword

Bastard Sword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 16 Strength 10 Dexterity The lighter weight does very little to help this sword out. The description states that the hefty blade is used for wide swings meaning the fancier Banish Knight R1 animations would have probably made more sense here but ♥♥♥♥ that, I guess. I don’t know what neuron-deficient circus clown slams a bastard sword into the floor like an axe but if it’s heavy enough to match the Claymore in weight while managing to be at least a foot shorter in reach I don’t care what your heavy affinity scaling is.

№ 252 — Beastman’s Cleaver

Beastman’s Cleaver Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 25 Strength 14 Dexterity In addition to being one of the ugliest curved swords ever made in my personal opinion 16 and a half pounds forces fashion creativity by limiting you to some of the least protective armor sets in the game. On its best days, it only barely measures up against better, lighter, and prettier options. Lightning makes the most sense considering you see plenty of Azula Beastmen using it with those properties but giving it that affinity for cosplay purposes goes against its proficiency and strength. It could have done with some innate lightning damage to increase its value in PvP situations but that would also likely mean making a unique weapon with its own skill and yeah, I’m already asking too much, who cares.

№ 251 — Gargoyle’s Black Blades

Gargoyle’s Black Blades Weapon type — Twinblade Requirement: 18 Strength 15 Dexterity 22 Faith The split holy damage is just something I’m never going to be a fan of on any weapon but it’s more than that. It’s so confusing to me that a group of weapons themed around the rune of death suffer from an almost complete absence of unique skills when they could have just taken Black Flame Tornado and tossed a splash of red in there and no one would have given a ♥♥♥♥. You were kind of heading in that direction with the black blade but then you just stopped and now that weapon just awkwardly sticks out like someone forgot where the kitchen aisle was and just stuck a blender next to a bag of cat food.

№ 250 — Frenzied Flame Seal

Frenzied Flame Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: None Absolutely zero requirements in any stat despite scaling with every single one of them. I was suspicious. As I should have been. Zero stat requirements means you have incredibly easy access to beginner incantations like Flame Cleanse Me, Assassin’s Approach, and a lot of the bestial spells. What a shame it’s locked behind a boss in the Leyndell Sewers and an entire quest line that literally forces you into a certain ending. The Finger Seal has a faith requirement of 10. Is that really such a huge ask?

№ 249 — Eclipse Shotel

Eclipse Shotel Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 10 Strength 25 Dexterity 30 Faith It’s a curved sword and a really short one at that so it’s already a pretty large wall of setbacks it needs to climb over. But it technically falling in the ever obscure Sickle category gives it extra damage against shielding enemies. The unique skill strikes me as an ability someone knew was bad and then attached an additional input function that allowed it more bite in PvE. It took me a year to figure out this could even be done. So, don’t hate The Eclipse Shotel. Pity it. Pity it because the sack of bricks that fathered this weapon anchored its value in a defective status ailment that’ll never see any love past worldbuilding.

№ 248 — Heavy Crossbow

Heavy Crossbow Weapon type — Crossbow Requirement: 14 Strength 10 Dexterity It’s another crossbow. Only this time it’s heavier. ♥♥♥♥♥♥’ whoopie.

№ 247 — Serpentbone Blade

Serpentbone Blade Weapon type — Katana Requirement: 11 Strength 22 Dexterity Serrated, jagged teeth across the blade but no bleed buildup with an added lack of infusibility just to piss you off apparently. The heavy attack flinging out as quickly as it can doesn’t mean too much when it has the damage of being stuck with the pointy end of a chicken bone. We can also add this to the pile of what I’ve been calling false unique weapons which have basic Ashes of War attached to them but can’t be replaced due to their unique nature. Inflicting a more lethal poison than most other poison weapons is a small benefit. It deals more damage and expires quicker meaning you have more opportunities to build it up but that also means a significantly smaller window of time you’re given to connect with poison moth flight. You know, the Ash this katana should’ve had.

№ 246 — Troll Knight’s Sword

Troll Knight’s Sword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 20 Strength 14 Dexterity 18 Intelligence Okay, that’s it. This is where it is. I am in such a toxic relationship with this greatsword and I really tried to postpone its placing as much as I could but 246 is the best I can stomach giving it. Being stuck with Troll’s Roar isn’t a fate worse than death, but given that this is an int-scaling weapon that deals minimal magic damage to the point where it’s not even worth investing in past the requirement coupled with the fact that two-handing this weapon and cutting the strength requirement by about 7 points makes intelligence its highest requirement, that unchangeable weapon Ash starts feeling like a malignant tumor very quickly.

№ 245 — Digger’s Staff

Digger’s Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 8 Strength 12 Intelligence This staff will always be outperformed by another staff no matter what point in the game you’re in. The incredibly low intelligence scaling all but completely nullifies the 20% stone digger bonus, leaving the most efficient use for it to be having it on your person while another much better staff does the casting. And even then, I’d rather have something more versatile in my offhand like a shield or just offhand the staff with an actual tangible weapon in my main. No matter how this staff is used, it always feels awkward and out of place.

№ 244 — Blade of Calling

Blade of Calling Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 6 Strength 13 Dexterity 15 Faith I want this weapon to be good so badly, but it’s just not. It seems to just barely tail the Black Knife and AR regardless of the player’s faith or dex. The knockback on the bullet can easily launch people off the sides of cliffs and such, so I guess there’s a small argument to be made in favor of it being an invasion weapon, but I think that’s honestly just me looking for competence where there is very little. It has suboptimal range even for a class of weapons with particularly little reach, and all the drawbacks add up over time to the point where it just feels like choosing this over Black Knife or Erdsteel Dagger ends up being a losing battle.

№ 243 — Steel-Wire Torch

Steel-Wire Torch Weapon type — Torch Requirement: 10 Strength 8 Dexterity It’s a torch, but extra, much hotter damage. It has like a filament or something on it, I guess? Split damage doesn’t help, but it is somewhat focused around fire damage, so I suppose it’s not completely lost. It doesn’t increase fire damage dealt by the torch, but the description is just a fancy roundabout way of saying it thinks that 109 is just too big of a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of fire damage not to mention. The Firebreather skill is good for clearing out low HP mobs, but so are 5,000 other abilities I don’t have the patience to list out here.

№ 242 — Gargoyle’s Blackblade

Gargoyle’s Blackblade Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 18 Strength 10 Dexterity 22 Faith The only armament in the Blackblade arsenal with a unique skill, and it doesn’t even have the right visual effects attached to its hit bullet. The Corpse Wax Cutter has wrongfully had Black Flame effects attached to it since release. To this day, it still hasn’t been fixed, and it’s starting to make me wonder whether or not there’s some obscure sentence of lore out there that actually tells you it’s intentional. This is the most solid proof I have on the theory that they were 100% prepared to give the Blackblade arsenal their own unique skills, but the only reason I can’t think of why they didn’t make it in is that someone accidentally deleted the files a week before launch. I’m gonna say this man’s name was probably Greg because my anger needs to be directed at something.

№ 241 — Staff of Loss

Staff of Loss Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 6 Strength 12 Dexterity 14 Intelligence It’s just another Digger Staff situation. The Staff of Loss can boost a staggering total of three sorceries, one of which is Night Maiden’s Mist, which is niche on the best of days. Trading scaling for boosting two sorceries you either don’t use or use way too ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ much will never be a better choice than just offhanding it and using an actual Staff with actual scaling. It might as well just be a tree branch at this point.

№ 240 — Light Crossbow

Light Crossbow Weapon type — Crossbow Requirement: 12 Strength 8 Dexterity There is one reason why I’ve shown all my lenience to the Light Crossbow. No, nobody drill the hole in my head, I’m being serious. The Light Crossbow can be bought by a merchant from a static location for 3,500 runes. It is guaranteed to make an appearance once per playthrough and that is not something I can confidently say for the rest of the beginner lineup. I don’t know why, no one knows why, and with 260 damage at +25 you don’t care about an explanation and you’re completely fine with that.

№ 239 — Winged Greathorn

Winged Greathorn Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 30 Strength 20 Dexterity Double Bs at +10 sounds convincing, but it spends most of its time hanging out around the C range, and it isn’t until +10 when it finally reaches a B scaling in both physical stats, which can only mean it’s the lowest B that can possibly be given. I wish I had suggestions here to share, but whatever I can offer won’t lend to its usefulness nearly as much as just a straight-up base damage increase. This is, it’s just weak. The unique skill has a wind-up time that’s way too slow to deal with in a pinch, limiting it strictly to the incredibly awkward practice of zoning in advance.

№ 238 — Nox Flowing Sword

Nox Flowing Sword Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 8 Strength 15 Dexterity Looks cool. That’s about it. Look, just use the Arumi.

№ 237 — Spiked Club

Spiked Club Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 12 Strength 7 Dexterity The Occult Affinity is slightly more slept on it than it probably should be, but other than that incredibly small aside, there’s no reason this couldn’t have been given the club moveset over the standard hammer moveset, because now it just feels like a demihuman saw the Morningstar and thought, ♥♥♥♥, we can make those. Well, there can’t be too many demihumans putting it to good use because I’ve mowed down enough of them to be considered a historical figure in all their textbooks, and the Spiked Club eludes me nonetheless.

№ 236 — Erdtree Greatbow

Erdtree Greatbow Weapon type — Greatbow Requirement: 20 Strength 14 Dexterity 14 Faith Split damage on the very first greatbow the game gives you. Cool. ♥♥♥♥♥♥’ wonderful. At least it gives the Golden Great Arrows a bit of purpose, since it gives you a cool buff when you fire holy-infused arrows with it, but the faith scaling is lackluster on the best of days when decent strength with a Golem Greatbow will service you just fine. And you can’t alter the Ash of War, making it not only the weakest, but also the least flexible of the greatbows.

№ 235 — Red Branch Shortbow

Red Branch Shortbow Weapon type — Light bow Requirement: 8 Strength 16 Dexterity Why in the holy mother of ♥♥♥♥ does this drop from pages that use crossbows? No, no, I deserve an answer to this question. It makes zero sense. A lot of people apparently prefer the shortbow to this, and if I had to guess, I’d assume that has something to do with the misleadingly low Ds in the shortbow’s scaling, when in fact the deck scaling of Red Branch is a good notch or two higher despite it still being represented by a D.

№ 234 — Scorpion’s Stinger

Scorpion’s Stinger Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 6 Strength 12 Dexterity Especially so because an Ash-like repeating thrust on a weapon that already has a quick enough moveset is a little pointless. And if I’m going for a status build, whether or not the moveset is quick enough to proc is going to matter more to me than a few extra points of AR. Even if a poison affinity would be kinda useless and redundant, it’s not exactly a stretch to think that a Rot- aligned weapon would be infusible, considering there are no affinities that give you that particular ailment. The deck scaling is kinda nice, but even then, the AR still gets left behind by other options, even though it has the best deck scaling of any unique dagger.

№ 233 — Longbow

Longbow Weapon type — Bow Requirement: 9 Strength 14 Dexterity You might be misled into thinking this is objectively the best longbow in the game, but that’s if you’re only going off of its base damage at +0. Truthfully, it actually falls off quite a bit, and ends up losing the damage game to other options like the Pulley Bow, and even the Albinauric and Serpent Bow, thanks to higher Dex scaling. Stop farming skeletons and just go to the Twin Maiden Husks and pick it up there. I’m only mentioning that because I just assumed it was a loot drop weapon, and I felt really stupid when I saw it just sitting here in the shop.

№ 232 — Rotten Crystal Spear

Rotten Crystal Spear Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 10 Strength 16 Dexterity 16 Intelligence I mean, they fixed Charged Forth in 1.10, so it’s not like this spear doesn’t feel complete. I just don’t get why we have to wait until Elf Isle to even start looting it when there are plenty of Rotten Crystallions elsewhere. Additionally, farming an enemy as annoying as Crystalians should be a fate reserved specifically for terrorists and people who leave negative comments. It’s also worth noting that the Rot-efficient spears are noticeably lacking in quantity, and if that’s not indicative of their focus moving into the DLC, then that should rightfully make a lot of people very angry. It does me, at least.

№ 231 — Watchdog’s Staff

Watchdog’s Staff Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 34 Strength 10 Dexterity Zero people give a ♥♥♥♥ about this colossal weapon, and I don’t think there’s any genuine argument you’re going to hear in a YouTube video made by someone who once thought art school was a good financial investment, but I think more people should. That unique skill is a great means of lasering down enemies with magic damage without any stake in intelligence, especially since it scales only with weapon level, but as a colossal weapon, it loses against nearly all others in its class in terms of raw damage, making this staff nothing more than a catalyst that can only cast one spell.

№ 230 — Composite Bow

Composite Bow Weapon type — Light bow Requirement: 15 Strength 15 Dexterity There’s a very particular allure with shortbows. What shortbows lack in stopping power, they make up for in speed and quantity of arrows per second. The barrage skill consumes minimal FP and stamina, and although bows are severely lacking in other departments, there’s really no reason to change a formula that works well enough for what it does. Giving a shortbow the Mighty Shot skill as a default and bottlenecking its damage like it’s some huge compromise accomplishes nothing except showing everyone a slightly ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, regular-sized bow.

№ 229 — Scimitar

Scimitar Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 7 Strength 13 Dexterity I think the moveset looks pretty. That’s about it, though.

№ 228 — Dragon Greatclaw

Dragon Greatclaw Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 30 Strength 14 Dexterity The general sentiment of disappointment surrounding the Dragon Greatclaw is similar to the one shared among most other draconic-themed weapons. Most of them seem to have a distinct shortfall of any worthwhile benefits or unique features that make any of them worth using as a main weapon. But I also think it has something to do with how we’re introduced to the Greatclaw. You’ve been led to assume that when a boss enemy drops a unique weapon, it’ll also come with a certain action or behavior the enemy attacked you with during the fight. Destined Death, Radahn’s Rain, Ghostflame Ignition are all really strong examples. So, of course, a weapon is going to be disappointing when that particular feature is absent. The split damage also isn’t great, and really the only useful feature it has is its monstrously high 30% damage bonus against dragon enemies.

№ 227 — Gargoyle’s Great Axe

Gargoyle’s Great Axe Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 24 Strength 8 Dexterity Unlike the Black Blade variants, the regular Gargoyle arsenal benefits from extremely high strength scaling on certain affinities, which is great on paper until you realize just how hefty the sacrifice is on its base damage. It’s way more than most weapons for, like, no reason, to an unnecessary extent. When looking at the heavy affinity with other greataxes, few others receive an S in strength, but still end up handing out higher damage numbers because of its base damage. Longhaft actually out-damages this axe pretty consistently despite the heavy affinity only granting it a B scaling.

№ 226 — Katar

Katar Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 8 Strength 10 Dexterity Jesus toilet-plunging Christ. Guys, what the ♥♥♥♥ happened here? Is this what my parents meant when they said they weren’t mad, just disappointed? The Katar is serviceable. It is very okay, but it feels like it should be substantially more. Fist weapons have the most famished pool of war ashes I can think of, but the Katar comes with impaling thrust, which isn’t compatible with fist weapons, so how is this gonna work? It can’t be replaced with ashes like blood tax or repeating thrust, and you can’t even change the affinity by reapplying impaling thrust because fist weapons can’t accept the ash. Not like you’d want to, the affinity scalings are pretty negligible anyways. It’s good for status, I guess, but that’s not any different from the entire rest of the fist family. This has to be an oversight. Are you serious?

№ 225 — Envoy’s Greathorn

Envoy’s Greathorn Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 28 Strength 12 Dexterity 24 Faith 2% drop rate from an enemy I’ve only seen 3 times in the whole damn game. Fine, ♥♥♥♥ yourself. ♥♥♥♥ your bubbles and ♥♥♥♥ your whole ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bubble-blowing family. I don’t care how good this weapon is. I mean, I care a little bit. The unique skill’s projectile speed has been given some buffs over time to where it feels somewhat usable, and if a death bird catches one in the face, the damage is pretty comical, but the list of positives are still noticeably lacking aside from that.

№ 224 — Prince of Death’s Staff

Prince of Death’s Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 6 Strength 18 Intelligence 18 Faith Here it is, here’s your NewGame+ staff. Dead weight on the floor anywhere else on a new journey, but becomes the greatest staff in terms of sheer sorcery scaling once your stats are beefy enough to make it work. It’s an exceedingly boring staff, and I feel absolutely nothing for it.

№ 223 — Highland Axe

Highland Axe Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 12 Strength 9 Dexterity The axe that inevitably replaces the battle axe due to it being the owner of slightly better everything at the expense of just a single dexterity level. The only exception being strength scaling on heavy affinities, which is important because the Highland and Battle Axes share the exact same base damage. This helps it out by a very small margin, but not nearly the difference made by the passive 10% increase to roar abilities, giving it lots of compatibility with Braggart’s Roar, Beast’s Roar, and Barbaric Roar. Three of the greatest weapon skills you can probably find.

№ 222 — Staff of the Avatar

Staff of the Avatar Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 34 Strength 8 Dexterity 24 Faith If you aren’t interested in deleting death birds with your five ton military hummer of an ass, then I would recommend skipping over this weapon almost entirely. The colossal weapon moveset is too slow and uneventful for me to rank most of them too highly, but the split holy damage and extremely niche unique skill only makes it ironic that none of what it brings to the table really deserves that much praise. It’s fine, I guess. We’re starting to move up the ladder a good bit, but nothing it accomplishes is worth writing a book about or anything.

№ 221 — Erdtree Bow

Erdtree Bow Weapon type — Bow Requirement: 8 Strength 12 Dexterity 14 Faith You know what? I see it. It’s not good, but I see why people are interested. The split holy damage actually serves holy damage arrows very well, because you still end up having a pretty heavy focus on a single type of damage, even if it is holy, enabling you to rack up damage that much quicker. I wish that changed my opinion on this bow. The visual design is really nice, but I would rather that design just be stuck on a better bow that didn’t get bottlenecked halfway through the game.

№ 220 — Alabaster Lord’s Sword

Alabaster Lord’s Sword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 16 Strength 12 Dexterity 18 Intelligence This doesn’t look like it was forged from a meteorite. It looks like it was made to block rain. The intelligence requirement is the highest of the three, but it doesn’t really do anything that significantly factors into the damage it deals. So, am I a nutcase for asking why the intelligence requirement is so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ high to begin with? It’s not even that there is one that bothers me. What bothers me is that it’s the highest, so anyone picking this up on a first playthrough is going to think it’s the most important stat to upgrade, and it’s not.

№ 219 — Dagger

Dagger Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 5 Strength 9 Dexterity It’s easy to be swooned by a 130% crit modifier with an S scaling in Dex on Keen Affinities. The damage certainly does work, but this dagger is an exemplary case of high damage not always being indicative of a good weapon. The largest problem you’re going to run into is the hitbox. The dagger is the shortest of any in its class, which is quite the setback when we’re already talking about some of the shortest weapons. Whipping standard R1s is not uncommon. Bigger enemies can move their arm to scratch their ass or something and just completely exit your reach. It’s got some flexibility with different ashes of war, but that’s really the only remarkable thing about it.

№ 218 — Devourer’s Scepter

Devourer’s Scepter Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 24 Strength 20 Dexterity 25 Faith So… So what happened here, exactly? Faith has the highest requirement but the worst scaling, triple Cs in every relevant stat, but it somehow feels like none of them ever do anything significant, at least up until level 150, and it’s a seemingly great quality weapon with decent strength in Dex, leaving the faith requirement of 25 even more awkward and further out of place. The unique skill siphons health from enemies, but only with incredibly low damage, no hyper armor despite Taker’s flames receiving plenty. I don’t know, I could make this paragraph like two minutes long, but we’ve got ♥♥♥♥ to do. Fix it. That’s my advice. Fix it.

№ 217 — Celebrant’s Rib-Rake

Celebrant’s Rib-Rake Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 8 Strength 14 Dexterity It’s not bad, but I do think the extremely low base drop chance may lead to Stockholm Syndrome among the players who think it’s worth it, and I promise it isn’t. If there’s one weapon in the entirety of Elden Ring with a visual design that looks like it should bleed enemies, it’s this one. It’s literally a rake with sharp spines on the end. I can see blood on the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tips, are you kidding me? It comes with Barbaric Roar as a default, and that might be the one redeemable quality I think this’ll ever have.

№ 216 — Bastard’s Stars

Bastard’s Stars Weapon type — Flail Requirement: 8 Strength 22 Dexterity 22 Intelligence Put down Malenia, you get her sword. Put down Ofnir, you get his armor set. Sensible enough. Put down Astel, here you go, a baby rattle. Yeah, go to hell. No matter how good a flail’s damage stats are, it’s always heavily restricted by a non-dynamic moveset, and flails being non-parryable is, it’s just a gimmick. I’m sorry, but that’s what it is. Go to the Coliseum right now and count how many times you get ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ parried. I promise you’ll be there for an hour before it even happens once. The unique skill demands a bit of forethought to make sure the exploding particles actually land properly, and even though I agree with those who call it a skill issue, if you can’t, it’s still objectively worse than going for an option that just doesn’t ask that from you.

№ 215 — Albinauric Bow

Albinauric Bow Weapon type — Bow Requirement: 7 Strength 18 Dexterity Another one of those false unique weapons that showcases a really cool ability when used by real albinorics, but some dude invented lore, and now you just can’t have it. This bow just feels like a missed opportunity. Arcane scaling could’ve given this weapon a really comfortable niche regarding status buildup, but all it really offers is slightly higher than average dex scaling, locked behind a hefty Dex requirement of 18. Which doesn’t sound bad, and I guess it isn’t, but chances are you’ve already found a bow you’re more than willing to stick with till the end by the time that requirement is met.

№ 214 — Stormhawk Axe

Stormhawk Axe Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 19 Strength 15 Dexterity I’ll just give some due credit here and say that I am in love with this axe’s unique skill. You can get Nefeli to drop these pretty easily, regardless of how, uh, coercive your methods are. But Nefeli’s questline is kinda cool so I’d still recommend you complete it. Its damage is strictly physical, but the Thunderstorm skill has some extra lightning damage that allows it a bit of flexibility, and the strikes of the axe themselves are measured by the weapon level, whereas the lightning damage is measured by your dex stat. It’s a good tool to counter overzealous invaders, since lightning damage has more utility in PvP, but that’s really where its benefits end.

№ 213 — Finger Seal

Finger Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: 4 Strength 10 Faith The Finger Seal throws some numbers at you that can really easily convince you it’s not worth letting go of. It consistently owns the second highest spot on the ladder in terms of raw spell scaling, but that’s also ignoring two things. One, the specific magic class is boosted by certain seals, and two, the distinctly minor gaps of power that exist between most seals when you’re only investing in faith. At 40, 60, and 80 faith, the Finger Seal falls in the top three. The Godslayer’s Seal manages to overtake it slightly every time, and it’s only at 80 faith where the Erdtree Seals backloaded ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kicks in and throttles its scaling all the way to 353. But that doesn’t mean too much when at every benchmark, the gap between the five faith-exclusive seals never heads above 20 scaling. You are always going to get more damage out of Giant’s Flame incantations with a Giant Seal than you will with a Finger Seal, no matter what your faith is.

№ 212 — Beastman’s Curved Sword

Beastman’s Curved Sword Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 13 Strength 11 Dexterity It’s got a cool flourish on the Jumping Heavy that looks nice, similar to how the Beastmen use them, which really just pisses me off. A completely ordinary weapon like the Beastman’s Curved Sword has exclusive animations that reflect the attacks of the enemies you get it from when so many other unique weapons are lacking that extra feature. This sword isn’t even good, it’s a little fun to use, but other than that, nah, sorry.

№ 211 — Full Moon Crossbow

Full Moon Crossbow Weapon type — Crossbow Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity 14 Intelligence It may deserve this exact spot on the list to some of you, it might not to others, but I think we’re all pretty unanimously disappointed with this one. I think the weapon description could afford being modified to something should happen because it almost never feels like it actually does. Meteor Bolts get a nice little boost and the reloading function does a little spinny move that looks cool, but is that the whole picture here? Is this all this weapon does? Is this supposed to convince me I’m doing more damage or something? It’s still a crossbow and having an inter-requirement on a weapon with no scaling just feels stupid and awkward.

№ 210 — Demi-Human Queen’s Staff

Demi-Human Queen’s Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 6 Strength 10 Intelligence This staff is the single most powerful staff in the early game until you get to 40 Intelligence, at which point the lower scaling catches up with its high initial damage, resulting in a forceful bottleneck that allows other staffs to outperform it very easily. If you don’t ever plan on advancing your character past mid-level Intelligence, then sure, I would use this staff. But most of the heavy hitter sorceries you’ll be using, the ones that are commonly referred to in conversations about how broken sorcery builds are, either ask more than 40 Intelligence from you or they ask multiple stats. If you’re planning on trekking through with a battle mage build that just mains sword sorceries, then sure, I guess I would recommend it, but only if you’re okay with denying sorcery builds of what they’re truly capable of. And even then, you should still probably just use Carian Glintstone Staff.

№ 209 — Gravel Stone Seal

Gravel Stone Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: 4 Strength 18 Faith This seal has exactly one purpose, which is to ring every last drop of potential damage out of Ancient Dragon Lightning Strike. There’s more to life than big numbers flashing on the screen, this isn’t ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Genshin Impact. This seal is among the weakest catalysts based off of raw scaling, so much so that it strictly limits you to Dragon Cult incantations so you can take advantage of the 15% boost. Even if you’re wanting to test the damage of hard-hitting dump truck spells like Ancient Lightning Strike, you’re still better off with other higher scaling seals like Urchree or Dragon Communion.

№ 208 — Lordsworn’s Greatsword

Lordsworn’s Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 16 Strength 10 Dexterity One of two greatswords in the entire game with a crit modifier of 110. You know, for those greatsword-wielding ninjas that prefer stealth over using a more conspicuous weapon, like a greatsword or something. It’s the one single case I will ever attempt arguing where this should have been a farming weapon that could be looted from soldiers instead. I appreciate the convenience of finding it in a chest, but I don’t know, I think that just sets a bad precedent. Could have used the Banished Knights R1 moveset, but outside of that, it’s really just a semi-decent strength weapon with a noticeable falloff during the mid-game.

№ 207 — Golden Epitaph

Golden Epitaph Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 12 Strength 10 Dexterity 14 Faith The 30% damage bonus to undead enemies is a really convenient way to melt down death birds, but if you need such a massive damage modifier to help you with skeletons, I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for. The unique skill is just a Shared Order incantation repurposed as a sword art, which technically doesn’t even raise holy damage. It only increases damage versus undead by 50%. This leads me to believe that this sword is THE death bird weapon, and using anything else would just be for cosplay purposes.

№ 206 — Greatbow

Greatbow Weapon type — Greatbow Requirement: 20 Strength 20 Dexterity Weapons like this are what I’ve started calling salt and pepper weapons. The one purpose they have is simply to exist somewhere in the game’s universe, just to give the world more texture and flavor, so that when you run into it on your 25th playthrough you can be like, wow, I’m still finding new ♥♥♥♥! There’s no reason to use this over any other greatbow. Just keep on sleepin’.

№ 205 — Arbalest

Arbalest Weapon type — Crossbow Requirement: 18 Strength 12 Dexterity It may not seem like it in this script I’m writing, but I respect crossbows for what they are. It’s just that what they are is inescapably, sand-punchingly worms in the kitchen sink pointless. Focusing on the spectacle and what looks cool isn’t something the previous games really did, at least not this frequently. So it makes perfect sense that these little ♥♥♥♥ pistols aren’t out here doling thousands of damage out at a time, knocking people off platforms and ♥♥♥♥ like we used to be able to. Crossbows are just a very pitiable weapon class. None of them even ask to be in the game. Crossbows are good for exactly one thing, and that’s for pinning down whatever’s trying to run away from you when your plus 76 rolling pin somehow leaves them with a pixel of health.

№ 204 — Lucerne

Lucerne Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 15 Strength 12 Dexterity Pierce damage by itself is a valuable utility that most weapons you’d think would have it end up getting left without it. But a Lucerne is literally an elongated warpick with a hammer-like bludgeon, which makes me think it could have also dealt strike damage if it wanted, but I guess two different types of physical damage would have made too big a difference. But with the base damage this low on a Halberd, I feel like such a change might at least need to be considered. It has a motion value of 125 on its mounted attacks, meaning some synergy can be explored with the Lance Talisman, but that’s only if you still think horseback combat is easier for some reason.

№ 203 — Veteran’s Prosthesis

Veteran’s Prosthesis Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 15 Strength 12 Dexterity My editor reminded me that I never put anything here, so use that as evidence for how forgettable this fist is. Thanks for giving me a lightning weapon exactly one area prior to the legacy dungeon equivalent of a power circuit. And would it kill you to do some research on what a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kick is?

№ 202 — Wakizashi

Wakizashi Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 9 Strength 13 Dexterity If you run all the infusible daggers through a build calculator and measure them up against each other, the Wakizashi takes the competition pretty consistently. However, this weapon is only power-stanceable with other katanas or a second Wakizashi, which massively bottlenecks DPS when dual-wielding. Also, I already mentioned this in another video, but not a dagger? Like, it’s just not a dagger. Stop pretending to be the Tanto, Wakizashi. We already have a Tanto. It’s called a Tanto.

№ 201 — Sacrificial Axe

Sacrificial Axe Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 16 Strength 10 Dexterity Good with sacred and flame art affinities, and the FP regen is nice if you actually manage to kill something with this broken toenail clipper, but good luck dealing with its reach.

№ 200 — Pulley Bow

Pulley Bow Weapon type — Bow Requirement: 11 Strength 11 Dexterity Not a lot of positive things to say about this weapon, other than the fact that it has the longest range of any regular-sized bow, but that means piss-all when whatever you’re shooting at does all the damage of slapping a concrete building foundation with a really heavy feather.

№ 199 — Giant’s Seal

Giant’s Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: 4 Strength 14Faith A spell scaling of 273 when fully upgraded. Now, that is pretty hard to defend. It doesn’t scale with strength, despite most giant flame weapons having that benefit, but this is merely the byproduct of FromSoft attaching two completely different playstyles to the same stat. Lightning works fine, so I guess this does too. Whatever. The one benefit no one ever considers, though, is the boost to Giant’s Flame and Fire Monk incantations, and this is a 20% boost, which is not insignificant. Couple that with the fact that Burn O Flame, Flame Fall Upon Them, and O Flame are three of the most effective incantations in the game when looking at raw damage, and this seal begins to look somewhat salvageable. Kinda.

№ 198 — Morning Star

Morning Star Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 12 Strength 8 Dexterity This hammer is almost exclusively carried by the fact that it has an adequate bleed build-up attached to it. Whatever potential it brings to the table gets stapled underneath its extremely low scaling on multiple affinities and its inconvenient range. It’s a reliable starting weapon with one integral purpose, which is to be replaced by something better. It can kill ♥♥♥♥ as quickly as anything else if you’re just R1-ing something to death, but if I’m choosing between this and something like Reduvia, I think it’s- I think the choice is pretty obvious.

№ 197 — Hand Ballista

Hand Ballista Weapon type — Ballista Requirement: 30 Strength 14 Dexterity The strength requirements have fooled many, and the only reason I insist on mentioning it is because I had no idea that two-handing weapons and slashing their strength requirements by a significant amount actually carried over to crossbows. Mostly because I don’t use them. But if you do, then the maximum strength you’ll ever need is 20, since you two-hand it by default anyways. Although the item description might be trolling you a little bit, do not ever face an army of people alone with this. Just don’t do it. The reload animation time will ♥♥♥♥ you over before you can even kill a second guy. Just don’t.

№ 196 — Pest’s Glaive

Pest’s Glaive Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 13 Strength 13 Dexterity It has a passive effect that slightly increases non-physical damage negation, and the fact that you’re most likely to get this weapon in Caelid renders that effect completely useless because that slight increase is actually a meager 2%. That- that’s not slight. That’s famished. Almost to the point of not even noticing. It also has lackluster base damage for a Halberd, which is only somewhat remedied by its A-scaling on Heavy and Keen affinities.

№ 195 — Icerind Hatchet

Icerind Hatchet Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 11 Strength 16 Dexterity The popularity of this weapon was single-handedly carried by its unique skill way back in the day, and it’s not even a unique skill. The hatchet does, however, come with a much faster moveset than the default axe, which can be enough to mitigate the underperformance brought on by its lowish base damage. It’s not great, it’s barely even good, but I do feel like referring to this hatchet as nothing more than a stick with a cool skill is a small misrepresentation.

№ 194 — Falchion

Falchion Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 9 Strength 13 Dexterity It’s a decent weapon that you can find very early on. There’s nothing particularly wrong with it. It has an A-scaling on Heavy affinity, which was honestly surprising considering curved swords are usually associated with Dex, but other curved swords like the Bandit’s Curved Sword and the Grossmesser are just as easily obtainable and can be thought of as immediate upgrades in damage and reach to the Falchion, rendering it pointless no matter what your stats are.

№ 193 — Gargoyle’s Greatsword

Gargoyle’s Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 18 Strength 10 Dexterity This could have been a beautiful weapon, but the waxy tip just makes it look like a troll cleaned the inside of his ear with it and then threw it away. It does make for a pretty efficient strength weapon due to its A-scaling on Heavy affinity, but flexibility being scarce on Gargoyle weapons also means only pure strength builds will be able to unlock this weapon’s full potential. It has a shorter reach than most greatswords, but the damage is certainly there. It’s got some stopping power. I just wish someone didn’t dip it in expired mustard before giving it to us.

№ 192 — Meteorite Staff

Meteorite Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 6 Strength 18 Intelligence The Meteorite Staff is unable to be upgraded, which I think is the greatest hell of what this staff should be used for. It’s for when you can’t be ♥♥♥♥♥♥ to care about somber stones in the early game and just want to bolt straight to Caelid in five minutes and get your hands on mid game power as early as possible. It gives a wonderful boost to Gravity Sorceries, which means it can be carried in your offhand while casting with a higher scaling staff to squeeze more power from Meteorite spells.

№ 191 — Onyx Lord’s Greatsword

Onyx Lord’s Greatsword Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 20 Strength 16 Dexterity 16 Intelligence There have been a few small buffs over time that have done this weapon some favors, but I feel like it’s still too lacking in plenty of areas to consistently recommend it. The range and hyper armor on the skill is helpful, but I can’t think of a single instance where I’d rather push enemies away than pull them towards me, especially considering most enemies with ranged aids attacks are annoying to deal with specifically because they’re not within striking range. Gravitas still ends up being a much more useful skill that does enough damage on its own to be considered decent, but can also serve as the first ability in a chain of close-range magic-focused attacks. 27 FP is also just way too much for this.

№ 190 — Golem’s Halberd

Golem’s Halberd Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 36 Strength 14 Dexterity The Guardian Golems have a 10% chance to drop this weapon to offset the unimaginable difficulty behind farming this colossal weapon caused by their absence. The golems are just not fun enemies to fight. Like, they’re just not. You spend the entire fight scratching at their legs like a horny dog until they topple over, at which point you just continue humping their ankles anyways because that’s usually how you get more damage in. I’m convinced the only people who like fighting golems only like the big numbers that appear on the damage bar. And it’s also not a halberd. It’s shaped like a halberd, yet you swing it like a colossal weapon, because it’s a colossal weapon. It’s a stone club that just tries to feel as awkward as it can. It’s got charge 4th on it though, so it’s not too bad.

№ 189 — Azur’s Glintstone Staff

Azur’s Glintstone Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 10 Strength 52 Intelligence The two Grandmaster staffs are in close competition with each other as far as which people consider to be their favorite endgame staff. Lusat Staff obviously dwarfs all others when it comes to raw damage, but the 50% extra FP consumption can give sustained builds a pretty huge disadvantage. Azure Staff offers something called Virtual Dexterity, which is a kind of dexterity that only affects casting speed. It’s important to note that Dex only affects casting speed up to 70, and this staff gives you 40 by default. So having more than even 30 Dex means you are not getting the full advantage of this staff, which is a real bummer because INT Dex characters are probably the single most popular hybrid build in the game’s player base.

№ 188 — Ripple Blade

Ripple Blade Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 11 Strength 11 Dexterity 20 Arcane Albinauric weapons like this Axe and the Ripple Crescent Halberd are made for builds that revolve around greasing up weapons and applying status effects to them. I hope you like farming ingredients for greases, because that’s really the only way this weapon will end up outshining others in its class. Even despite the high S scaling in Arcane, the Ripple Blade still loses to competing options because of the incredibly low base damage.

№ 187 — Marika’s Hammer

Marika’s Hammer Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 20 Strength 12 Dexterity 19 Faith This hammer isn’t exactly bad, as much as it is disappointing. All we really see from this hammer is just a regular moveset, regular damage split with Holy, and a kinda cool unique skill with an AoE effect that honestly should’ve been on all the charged heavies by default. Ruin’s Greatsword had it, and that was just a slab of some dude’s castle in Farum Azula from thousands of years ago. It had less of a reason to have the gravity spike AoEs on its charged heavies than it still had them, so why can’t we get something like that with an endgame weapon like Marika’s Hammer?

№ 186 — Crystal Spear

Crystal Spear Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 10 Strength 16 Dexterity 16 Intelligence I mean, it’s a spear, so it’s obviously not bad, but saying it’s in wreath with powerful magic when its worst scaling is actually with intelligence means you probably should’ve written a second draft. Even if the intelligence scaling was good, the base magic damage is only 33, so it’s not like you’d be improving anything noticeably game-changing. The end requirement on this weapon is solely for story purposes. It can be upgraded with Somber stone, so it’s less of a hassle to upgrade, but that also means you’re stuck with impaling thrust. Again, not a bad skill, but leaving an ordinary skill on a unique spear just means you’re bottlenecking its flexibility.

№ 185 — St. Trina’s Torch

St. Trina’s Torch Weapon type — Torch Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity 14 Faith This torch scales with faith, which already makes more sense than its sword counterpart, but it’s an additional help because despite the sword dealing magic damage, this torch is straight fire. The sleep buildup is honestly incredible, and the faith scaling being a seed really helps it along to the point where this torch is a viable enough weapon all on its own, despite being literally just a torch. The moveset is still as disengaging as you can imagine poking things with sticks on fire to ever be, and the base damage for both physical and fire is still lamentable in comparison.

№ 184 — Beastclaw Greathammer

Beastclaw Greathammer Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 20 Strength 10 Dexterity 18 Faith Not really sure how I’d feel about this greathammer getting split with holy damage since no other bestial weapons share that feature. The Cinquedea has raw physical damage, all the bestial incantations have raw physical damage, and there’s not even anything in the description that gives reasoning to this specific damage split. Its unique skill is certainly nothing to be slept on because a direct hit with both the hammer and the shockwave of the skill can land for a good couple thousand damage, but the odd damage split and scaling that only reaches a C in strength isn’t enough for this to stay in my main loadout.

№ 183 — Dismounter

Dismounter Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 19 Strength 16 Dexterity When I tried to research this weapon and get an eye for what some of the game’s routine players thought about this sword, I ran into a subset of onliners that kept hinging the entire discussion of the sword’s potential around how it performed in PvP and nothing else. I don’t even know what everyone was so mad about, but I can’t stand anyone who thinks they’re more clever than they actually are, so I only got two comments deep before I decided to quit. This sword is not great. It’s far from it, actually. It consistently gets left in the lower half of the CGS power ladder, and the only real benefit that comes with wielding it is its comparatively lower weight. I’m just gonna take a guess and say most of the PvP discourse revolved around the longer reach being abused by people with high latency, which is a case you can make for literally any weapon with an uncannily large hitbox.

№ 182 — Rotten Staff

Rotten Staff Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 34 Strength 8 Dexterity Another missed opportunity. I almost feel like it’s not worth mentioning since everyone is already nodding their heads, but could you at least give us a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ alternate Erdtree Slam that spreads scarlet rot pools everywhere? I’m in a Discord server full of people who could probably make this in five minutes. I appreciate that it now has a single focus instead of being split between physical and holy damage, and scaling decently with only two stats is a helpful bonus, but a passive 75 buildup for a weapon that swings this slow is nothing worth envying. It’s another bonking stick with a bit of herpes on it. There’s nothing more to say.

№ 181 — Spiked Caestus

Spiked Caestus Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 8 Strength 10 Dexterity If you’re looking for an Occult Fist weapon, here it is. Once your stats are properly leveled for it, an Occult Spiked Kaistuce can outpace the bleed buildup of Star Fist while sacrificing a hair of damage you probably won’t even notice is gone half the time. As is the case with most adequate weapons, you can steamroll whatever you like if your stats are built for it, but that doesn’t mean this fist is any better at closing distance, and you should still expect to be punching through empty air half the time unless you’re just boxing a random soldier.

№ 180 — Misbegotten Shortbow

Misbegotten Shortbow Weapon type — Light bow Requirement: 16 Strength 8 Dexterity The shortbow with the highest overall damage, which is kinda like being the tallest person in a crowd of 10-year-olds. Sacrificing range isn’t a huge deal when you have arrow’s reach available, and with that talisman, I’d say this is probably the best you’re going to find regarding shortbow builds. It’s also the only strength scaling shortbow out there, so that even shortbow mains can look down on each other, I suppose.

№ 179 — Axe of Godfrey

Axe of Godfrey Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 42 Strength 14 Dexterity He’s literally holding it like you would a halberd, and the actual model size isn’t too different from the Axe of Godrick. You could’ve easily gotten away with just having this be a great axe, but instead you stuck it in a class with an inherently boring moveset that barely breaks a C scaling in strength, but has the balls to push its benchmark all the way into the 40s. I don’t care how strong he is, he’s lucky I didn’t rank it lower.

№ 178 — Short Sword

Short Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 8 Strength 10 Dexterity I’m willing to give this one a bit of slack, just because the stance damage of that charged R2 is something I see in my nightmares when I’m dueling against it in PvP. Edge straight swords have become such a comfortable pick in pretty much any situation now, due to patch 1.10 being what it was, that I don’t have the heart to rank this weapon that low. But in terms of both swords and weapons as a whole, it definitely belongs somewhere on the lower half. Plenty of options for pierce damage, which makes it a versatile tool in both offline and online play, but at the end of the day it’s still a starter weapon. And the most significant purpose it’s ever going to have on this planet is the purpose of being replaced.

№ 177 — Thorned Whip

Thorned Whip Weapon type — Whip Requirement: 8 Strength 16 Dexterity This whip is associated with the briars of sin and the prelates that follow the fire monks around for no reason. There’s multiple item descriptions that categorize the briar spells into the magic damage category, yet the whip deals pure physical damage. This inconsistency probably isn’t on purpose, as briars have always been a little confusing. But some briar sorcerers can even be seen with fire emitting from their stabs. The stats are very comparable to Hoslo’s whip, but it’s also not a unique weapon. Farming it is a chore, grinding the stones for it is a chore, and it doesn’t even have a huge selection of quality ashes. But if you manage to actually find the damn thing, then yes, I suppose it is a pretty capable whip.

№ 176 — Iron Greatsword

Iron Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 18 Strength 10 Dexterity The ♥♥♥♥ is this, Skyrim? This greatsword is, in many ways, the superior choice to the bastard sword. However, the mundanity that comes with the chore of farming it from one of the rarest enemy types is more than enough for most people to just flat out not consider it and go for something more easily obtainable, like the knight’s greatsword. A low A-scaling on its heavy affinity only handing out 30 to 40 more damage than a heavy bastard sword isn’t a convincing argument, and even less so when it weighs 12 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pounds.

№ 175 — Club

Club Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 10 Strength Spectacularly simple, low base requirements, and surprisingly fast for a hammer. Either a heavy or a keen infusion give you an A in strength and Dexscaling, respectively, despite the lobotomite playstyle it’s synonymous with. It offers a refreshingly straightforward approach in a game that’s constantly throwing fire katanas and glowing nipple tassels in your direction, expecting you’ll get distracted. But to a club wielder, all of these are just embellishments to an already perfectly functioning system.

№ 174 — Ornamental Straight Sword

Ornamental Straight Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 10 Strength 14 Dexterity This was one of my favorite paired weapons to use at a point in time. I didn’t even bother power stancing anything else, but because someone pointed out to me the winged sword talismans don’t work with the multi-hit charged heavies during its buffed mode, I’ve never really looked at it the same. It’s extremely light, one of the lightest considering you get twice the stab for equal the weight. The unique skill buffs the weapon with 100 extra holy damage, and split damage is usually a problem, but the skill gives you the distinct choice of pure physical versus physical and holy, which is kind of a nice asset to have.

№ 173 — Black Bow

Black Bow Weapon type — Bow Requirement: 9 Strength 20 Dexterity The black bow is easily the most capable longbow you’ll ever find. The damage is far surpassed by a number of other longbows, but having barrage as well as the short bow moveset on a longbow doesn’t just help with DPS, it also just feels genuinely good to play with. If the damage by itself has ever looked subpar on paper to you, I’d honestly just advise you, just give it a test run for a few minutes, you’ll notice the difference where it counts. Regrettably, however, that advice is strictly for bow builders, and unless you’re completely married to the idea of sticking to a particular weapon class, I would probably just tell you to look for something else.

№ 172 — Curved Club

Curved Club Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 11 Strength 7 Dexterity The S scaling for its heavy affinity is a bit deceptive in that its base damage also gets lowered by a good 40 points. Even with an S scaling, it only outperforms the spiked club, mace, and the flame mace by around 20 to 30 damage per strike. The higher scaling can give ashes like Hoarah Loux’s Earthshaker a bit more punching power, but unless you’re pretty much exclusively building strength, this club unfortunately has little to offer.

№ 171 — Rivers of Blood

Rivers of Blood Weapon type — Katana Requirement: 12 Strength 18 Dexterity 20 Arcane The existence of this weapon upsets me tremendously, but probably not for the same reason it does you. It upsets most people because of the general reputation this particular weapon and most bleed weapons have in a PvP environment, in addition to bleed being a frustrating status ailment in and of itself, and the fact that the spammable unique skill has long been a symbol of player inexperience, but what upsets me about Rivers is the downright oppressive, iron fisted, scorched earth approach FromSoft took to nerfing this weapon like 10 months ago, and people are still talking about it like it’s this looming threat. Like it’s a problematic co-worker that needs to be addressed or something. You guys know we’re on patch 1.10, right? This katana has been wet paper for a long time and it’ll probably never climb its way out of that status again.

№ 170 — Monk’s Flamemace

Monk’s Flamemace Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 13 Strength 13 Dexterity It is a farming weapon, but the enemies you loot it from don’t exactly put up the most threatening fights. Plenty of Fire Monks can be found around Lyernia and the mountaintops, and most of them end up being pushovers regardless of where you find them. Flaming Strike works really well for thematic purposes, and the unique R2 is probably the funniest ♥♥♥♥ that’s ever made it all the way to the final release in a Souls game. It’s also one of the few dex hammers you can obtain, and the bandit starting class has exactly enough strength to two-hand it right out of the gate.

№ 169 — Starscourge Greatsword

Starscourge Greatsword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 38 Strength 12 Dexterity 15 Intelligence I have no problem admitting that this might be one of the coolest greatsword designs FromSoft’s artists have ever cranked out in recent years, but choosing the drip build unfortunately comes with quite a large caveat, since they’re the shortest colossal swords in the game, and by a noticeable margin. The colossal sword moveset being as sluggish as it is means you’re more likely to get better DPS from a pair of meager straight swords, provided you have a poise boost or something. The bonus damage to gravity enemies climbs all the way to 30%, which does give it a pretty capable niche against Falling Stars and Estels, but that’s really the only major benefit that sticks out.

№ 168 — Albinauric Staff

Albinauric Staff Weapon type — Glintston staff Requirement: 6 Strength 10 Dexterity 12 Arcane This is a sad story of an ambitious catalyst that could have been incredible, but its potential is ultimately traffic jammed by a severe lack of sorcery variety that’s actually compatible with the Arcane stat. There is a staggering total of two sorceries that inflict blood loss, which are the two Briar spells. Frostbite spells are numerous, yet the potency of Frostbite is not increased in tandem with your character’s Arcane level. Investing solely in Arcane and pushing it up to 80 only gets you 297 scaling, which is nowhere near enough to compete with other intelligence-based staffs.

№ 167 — Black Knife

Black Knife Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 8 Strength 12 Dexterity 18 Faith On the one hand, the unique skill demolishes big health bars, making it invaluable on challenge and low-level runs, and despite it being split between physical and holy damage, I don’t ever feel like it underperforms that egregiously. On the other hand, the skill is downright useless in anything related to PvP because of how telegraphed it is, in addition to there being a magical sweet spot where if the other person knows how to exploit, the bullet is pretty much guaranteed to miss. It’s a decent dagger, just lots of highs and lows to deal with.

№ 166 — Rapier

Rapier Weapon type — Thrusting sword Requirement: 7 Strength 12 Dexterity A crit modifier of 130 is usually only found on dagger-type weapons, and since this sword also outranges any dagger, stealth builds end up having a little extra utility. The Dex scaling is nice, especially when starting out, but during the earlier sections of the game, it really struggles to keep up with most other weapons thanks to its profoundly ♥♥♥♥ base damage of 96.

№ 165 — Vulgar Militia Shotel

Vulgar Militia Shotel Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 14 Strength 16 Dexterity The base damage on this halberd isn’t great, the range is piss, and even the passive shield-piercing effect isn’t too show-worthy. It does, however, have compatibility with Impaling Thrust, despite being a curved shotel-type halberd. It’s one of the only weapons in the whole of Elden Ring that nets a B-scaling in Dex with its lightning affinity. This gives the Militia Shotel an incredibly narrow niche where it performs exceedingly well, but the habit of simply lock-rotating around something when it starts shielding is so ingrained in Seoul’s culture that I’m not sure if the shield-piercing passive is enough to make it a mainstay.

№ 164 — Lordsworn’s Straight Sword

Lordswirn’s Straight Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity The Epitome of Mid. The physical encapsulation of mundanity itself. This sword doesn’t give a ♥♥♥♥ about you, and I’m only sorry to those who give a ♥♥♥♥ about this sword. And it has a 110 crit modifier, which is nice, I guess.

№ 163 — Ripple Crescent Halberd

Ripple Crescent Halberd Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 12 Strength 12 Dexterity 20 Arcane This halberd suffers from a similar problem that afflicts the Ripple Blade. The arcane scaling only looks useful on paper, and it isn’t until you actually use the weapon when you realize the base damage is lost so far down the toilet that it’s finding yesterday’s breakfast. The scaling only brings it up to par with other weaker halberds, shoehorning it into this weird playstyle where it’s only noticeably effective with status greases and buffs like Bloodflame Blade. In PvE, this can end up faring quite well, but the timed buffs in PvP might force you into playing aggressively when you really shouldn’t.

№ 162 — Rogier’s Rapier

Rogier’s Rapier Weapon type — Thrusting sword Requirement: 8 Strength 17 Dexterity This one’s fine, I guess. Few weapons leave behind a more unexciting aftertaste than Rogier’s Rapier. It has a unique heavy attack that’s somehow less unique than the default thrusting sword R2. The 110 crit modifier feels pointless when the regular-ass Rapier comes with 130. It takes the exact middle spot in reach compared to others in its class, and any good qualities this weapon has just comes from the fact that it’s a thrusting sword that’s good at roll-catching… sometimes.

№ 161 — Astrologer’s Staff

Astrologer’s Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 7 Strength 16 Intelligence It doesn’t benefit from any class-specific damage boosts like most other mid-game catalysts, but it impressively manages to keep up with some of the game’s top choices and stays either within or close to the top three highest-scaling staffs, all the way up to 60 Intelligence. It’s the People Staff. It has no specialty, but it also receives no complaints It shows up to work and gives the day its best 6 out of 10 and then dares you to ask any more from it. The Astrologer’s Staff bottoms out pretty hard once you climb past the 60 Intelligence mark, as more options like the Regal Scepter and the two Grandmaster Staffs begin to open up. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t appreciate this staff for what it is. And what it is is apathetically, inertly, heart-rendingly mediocre.

№ 160 — Scythe

Scythe Weapon type — Reaper Requirement: 14 Strength 14 Dexterity I understand why scythes had to be changed. I knew they were too fast in Dark Souls 3, but I just thought if I kept quiet enough for long enough, no one would notice. A lot, a lot of people noticed. Reapers in Elden Ring are much slower, but their attack hitboxes actually extend past what other weapon hitboxes would normally, and can sometimes even land hits on enemies diagonally behind you. The double hit means it’s decent at building up blood loss, even if the base damage ends up getting compromised as a result. It has a lot of weird benefits and weaknesses, but towards the middle of the list, the only thing that really matters is that you’re just having fun with it, I guess.

№ 159 — Misericorde

Misericorde Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 7 Strength 12 Dexterity It somehow ends up having the lowest Dex scaling of any Keen Affinity dagger in the game, and it has the longest range of any dagger, despite being obviously built for backstabs and parries. A lot about this weapon doesn’t really make sense, but this is all done in an effort to make that 140% critical modifier as reasonable as it can possibly be. It’s only really usable in straightforward combat if you keep it equippable in your main hand, and then quickly switch to it when your opponent is stance-broken. But feeling like I’m trying to open a padlock every time I find a crit window gets a little exhausting, after a while.

№ 158 — Shamshir

Shamshir Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 7 Strength 13 Dexterity An alternate moveset that swings wider than the base curved swords animations, making it slightly more efficient at sweeping through crowds. Also slightly faster, but slightly more likely to get caught on walls in closer spaces as a result. Doesn’t inflict bleed, for a stupid reason. Probably. That’s about it.

№ 157 — Frozen Needle

Frozen Needle Weapon type — Thrusting sword Requirement: 11 Strength 18 Dexterity It’s hard to see past its incredibly low base damage of 99, but the forward-traveling ice bullets during heavy attacks help out with the deficiency in range. Thrusting swords are largely coveted, because piercing is one of the more useful subsets of physical damage, but on some weapons, the starting numbers on it are just so bad that it’s almost not worth using until you upgrade it a few times first. The frost buildup is surprisingly high. 60 buildup on a thrusting sword is kinda nuts, especially when power-stancing it with a cold rapier.

№ 156 — Iron Ball

Iron Ball Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 11 Strength 8 Dexterity Whether it’s medieval dragon slayers or YouTubers, boxing is one of those sports that just never stops trending. The punches pack some force, and the A-scaling on its heavy affinity certainly does it a few favors, even if fists inherently lack range and a useful variety of weapon ashes. But some ashes, like Braggart’s Roar, lend themselves very nicely to fist weapons, because of their altered heavy attacks.

№ 155 — Giant Crusher

Giant Crusher Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 60 Strength This… I don’t know what happened here. The Giant Crusher is one of the highest, if not the single highest, physical AR strength-centered colossal weapon available, but that doesn’t stop colossal weapon movesets from being what they are, held together with thoughts and prayers. The spacing on the charged heavy is a nice utility if someone is, one, an exact distance in front of you, and two, conveniently charging at you in a straight line, but one small misjudgment leaves you sailing awkwardly past someone and inviting them into your currently open ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

№ 154 — Carian Glintstone Staff

Carian Glintstone Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 6 Strength 8 Dexterity 24 Intelligence The boost it gives to Carian’s sword sorcery technically only encompasses melee spells and not their glint blade counterparts. 15% extra damage across all sword sorceries doesn’t represent its niche as well as saying it gives a 15% boost to the Carian Slicer. Sword sorceries aren’t exactly plentiful, as there are only four of them in the game in total, and even though the 15% boost gives those sorceries much more mileage towards the endgame, you’re still better off maining a staff with better overall scaling. Just another staff eternally hardstuck in the left-hand position.

№ 153 — Ruins Greatsword

Ruins Greatsword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 50 Strength 16 Intelligence There are a few setbacks that really hold back the potential of this sword. Firstly, I don’t care how sharp the edge of the rock is. You’re slapping people with the side of a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mountain, it should be a strike weapon. Get this standard crap out of my sight. 50 strength makes sense, but it’s also a pretty hefty ask for someone venturing straight out of Caelid, lending further credence to the question of why this wasn’t found in Farum Azula instead. The S scaling in strength makes it an incredibly powerful bonking weapon, but I don’t know, we already have plenty of those, I guess? There aren’t that many ways to dig any damage out of the weapon’s unique skill since it’s tied to the weapon level, which is convenient, but that also means leveling intelligence isn’t a good means of improving its damage.

№ 152 — Omen Cleaver

Omen Cleaver Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 19 Strength 16 Dexterity It’s never outstanding enough to warrant any special recognition on its own, but the secret to this curved greatsword is how flexible it is with multiple affinities. The heavies took me a little time to get used to, but if you’re willing to sacrifice the range and you have decent poise, you can take most punishment from smaller enemies right on the chin without any fear of being flinched. CGS weapons across the board were very favored in patch 1.09, which really did this sword a lot of favors. It does its job in any context, and it doles out sufficient damage against any threat, but it’s sorely lacking a particular specialty that could make this weapon truly spectacular. But then again, niche isn’t always bad.

№ 151 — Dragonscale Blade

Dragonscale Blade Weapon type — Katana Requirement: 12 Strength 20 Dexterity Katanas, as a blanket statement, are pretty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid. The Uchigatana model is already absurdly long compared to its real-world historical counterpart, but the Reach even further eclipses other light weapons with Hand of Malenia and Nagakiba, leaving Dragonscale Blade in a really awkward spot. All of its elemental damage and status comes with its unique skill, which certainly isn’t a problem, especially since the skill has seen lots of speed buffs over time, but the presence of Frostbite status also means it’s one of two katanas that are left completely without blood loss buildup. It’s still amazing when it works. Ice Lightning Sword provides 160 base lightning damage compared to the Lightning Slash’s 85, and no innate elemental damage means you don’t have to worry about getting bottlenecked thanks to split performance. But no innate bleed and extremely short reach leave it in a spot where it’s almost never preferred over a cold or lightning-infused Uchigatana.

№ 150 — Ghiza’s Wheel

Ghiza’s Wheel Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 28 Strength 18 Dexterity Surprisingly low stat requirements for a colossal weapon. It’s honestly a wonderful quality-based weapon with high Cs in both physical stats, if fully upgraded, but it’s also a much-needed reminder that the pizza-cutter meta has never existed and probably never will. The unique skill really isn’t that great. Its status is pushed all the way down to 30% buildup per attack, rendering this skill only slightly higher status per second than just R1-ing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ into the floor like normal. And the only reason that gets overlooked is because some turbo virgins think the idea of playing the game like it’s a lawnmowing simulator is funny. I never said I wasn’t one of them, I just said that it was a problem.

№ 149 — Carian Glintblade Staff

Carian Glintblade Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 6 Strength 12 Dexterity 22 Intelligence The Glintblade Staff provides a boost to Glintblade spells, obviously. And although each subclass only has four main spells, I think this boost is overall the better utility. The Glintblade version barely edges past the Carian Glintstone Staff by around 6-7 scaling with mid-game intelligence, 15% improved damage on Carian Phalanx is exactly as ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ as it sounds, and the damage boost actually carries over to Carian Retaliation and even Magic Downpour, despite the latter having no ties to what’s considered a Glintblade sorcery in the game.

№ 148 — Magma Blade

Magma Blade Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 9 Strength 15 Dexterity 16 Faith I really feel like there was an attempt to give this curved sword a very distinguished and regal look, but instead of looking like it was forged with magma, it has an extremely dulled edge that just makes it look like it could be hung up in the toy aisle next to a bunch of lightsabers. Do not level Dex with this sword. Don’t. Just don’t fall for it. Additionally, the 1% drop rate from an enemy that could legally be considered an endangered species doesn’t exactly make me thrilled to play this on console, but once you finally get it, you then understand that 1% drop rate isn’t there to just manufacture a sort of artificial desire for the weapon. No, this ♥♥♥♥♥ is the real deal. Adding bursts of lava to Spinning Slash makes it even stronger, and at only 12 FP to boot. I just wish the game didn’t make me poach a subtype of lizard into extinction just to get it.

№ 147 — Gargoyle’s Twinblade

Gargoyle’s Twinblade Weapon type — Twinblade Requirement: 18 Strength 15 Dexterity This Twinblade isn’t much, but it is honest. Whatever positives I can argue with this weapon seem pointless because no matter how I try to explain it, a much simpler and condensed explanation would just be to point at the black blades and say, at least it’s not that. You don’t have to deal with the split damage constantly falling short, the ash can be replaced, and the Gargoyle you grab it from is a much friendlier fight than its steroid-abusing cousin-in-law hanging out by the lift of Rold. Anything nice I can say about this weapon is the absence of something ♥♥♥♥♥♥, but the good news is, we’re not seeing the next Twinblade on this list for a long while.

№ 146 — Stone Club

Stone Club Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 16 Strength 8 Dexterity I found a lot of people calling this the single greatest weapon for brainlit attack spam, and I’m not sure how that can be true with the existence of the aptly named R1 Cleaver, but I’m sure those comments mean very well. The Stone Club is a subtype of hammer that uses unique animations, which is TAE 180 in the game files, and if we look at the animations themselves, the standard hammer moveset is actually slightly faster than the Stone Club. The reach isn’t all too impressive, and the mostly vertical moveset makes dealing with multiple enemies a bit painful, but if you’re interested in seeing what it’s like to use a regular construction hammer in real life, then I guess this is the most accurate simulation the game can give you.

№ 145 — Hand Axe

Hand Axe Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 9 Strength 8 Dexterity The Hand Axe has a unique string of attack animations that are noticeably speedier than its standard. The reach can be really bothersome, but I think to most people who like this weapon, any complaints involving range are immediately registered as white noise and filed into the don’t care, didn’t ask pile. Which is great, because I don’t require your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ permission. The range sucks, and 117 base damage doesn’t make that not a problem. However, being a faster weapon in its class means it excels in status builds, while still having the flinching power of a normal axe. It’s pretty good.

№ 144 — Horn Bow

Horn Bow Weapon type — Bow Requirement: 10 Strength 14 Dexterity 12 Intelligence This has some real punch to its shots, and I don’t offer compliments to bows too often. The split damage can dissuade some people from giving it a test drive, but with a solid buff or two, both numbers can climb to a serviceable height. The 30 base magic damage helps it along quite a bit when firing Dwelling Arrows, but only because magic damage becomes the bigger number of the two. It doesn’t give a damage boost to Dwelling Arrows, it’s just that a bow with base magic damage firing a magic arrow ends up being really strong with one particular damage type.

№ 143 — Longsword

Longsword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity Comparable to the Lordsword and Straightsword in just about every way. Exact same moveset, very similar range, but the Longsword has a C scaling in strength, making it slightly more tuned for fire and heavy ashes like Cragblade and Flaming Strike. Two of the best ashes you probably could ask for on a Straightsword. This is the middle of the list, so most of these are bound to get lost in the chaos of just about every single weapon being at least decent after 1.10.

№ 142 — Sword of St. Trina

Sword of St. Trina Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 10 Strength 12 Dexterity 14 Intelligence This sword has a bit of a lore drop that refers to Miquella’s androgynous appearance. Where some saw intelligence, others saw faith. The two genders, obviously. Why does the sword have magic damage and int scaling, while the torch has fire damage and faith scaling? It’s not like they were afraid to throw magic damage on a torch or anything. We have Ghostflame, and the Miquellan Knight’s Sword and his relation to the color gold insinuates a strong command over the holy element. So unless the DLC introduces Miquella as the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ avatar, I can’t think of a single instance where any of this is contextualized.

№ 141 — Axe of Godrick

Axe of Godrick Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 34 Strength 22 Dexterity The unique skill is piss. It’s a week-old piss-filled balloon duct-taped to the ceiling above your work desk. The point-blank damage is decent if landed, but having the hyper-armor of a couch pillow means it demands an unnecessarily high amount of foresight to actually connect with anything. However, the double-Cs and scaling combined with its moderately high base stats means quality builds can really start churning out some power in the late game. If you’re focusing specifically on strength and dex, it consistently has the highest physical AR of any great axe minus affinities. It’s just that no one ever sticks with it for long enough to see the stats actually pay off.

№ 140 — Watchdog’s Greatsword

Watchdog’s Greatsword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 30 Strength 10 Dexterity I thought this slab of sedimentary disappointment sucked for months, and no one bothered to tell me I was wrong. Well, not exactly wrong. It’s mostly mediocre, but the heavy affinity has an S scaling in strength, and still retains an A scaling in strength on status affinities. I wouldn’t call it underrated or anything. You’d probably give as much of a ♥♥♥♥ about this weapon as you should, but the colossal movesets are slow and stupid and they’d suck butt, so it’s a bit of a thrill seeing a weapon in that subclass with such great competencies.

№ 139 — Greataxe

Greataxe Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 30 Strength 8 Dexterity Extremely limited range compared to other greataxes, and the 30 strength requirement pretty much guarantees you’ll ignore it when you pick it up in Limgrave, but it’s a decent strength weapon that’ll do its job. It’s got high base damage, it comes preloaded with one of the best stashes of war in the game, and you can efficiently two-hand it with only 20 strength, which isn’t even that out of reach for half the starting classes, so I don’t know why people ignore it. Because I tell people to ignore it in my videos, Rusty, you stupid ♥♥♥♥. Maybe stop doing that.

№ 138 — Knight’s Greatsword

Knight’s Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 16 Strength 12 Dexterity It’s like a sword, but… but greater. Wonder what they call those. Bs on quality affinity. Pretty nice.

№ 137 — Banished Knight’s Greatsword

Banished Knight’s Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 17 Strength 9 Dexterity I don’t know, man, they’re just giant swords. Wave it around enough and people leave you alone. What, you need a tutorial or something?

№ 136 — Chainlink Flail

Chainlink Flail Weapon type — Flail Requirement: 18 Strength 12 Dexterity When the 1% of the game’s playerbase talks about how underrated flails are, they’re either talking about Bastard Stars or this one. Pay attention to these two flails, and nothing else. One of the greatest drawbacks of the flail class is its range, which is enough to make weapons like the Nightrider Flail and the regular flail tap dance around the border of unusable, but the Chainlink Flail is a wonderful exception to that rule, and you can go multiple playthroughs without ever having known it existed, because it has a 4% drop rate from Mad Pumpkins, and who wants to spend their Saturday hanging out with these water tower-looking ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥?

№ 135 — Erdsteel Dagger

Erdsteel Dagger Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 7 Strength 12 Dexterity 14 Faith This has the lowest total damage of any dagger in the game on more than a few different affinities, including Heavy, Fire, and Poison and Blood affinity. It performs like weak old stuffed crust pizza when infused with half the game’s affinities, and not even Keen or Sacred seems to save it completely. And that’s when I discovered the Flame Art affinity. All that faith scaling that torques this weapon’s AR to marvelous proportions without the unrewarding chore of using holy damage. This is the single affinity to place on this weapon, nothing else even matters. The difference in AR is actually pretty hilarious if you throw it into a build calculator.

№ 134 — Pulley Crossbow

Pulley Crossbow Weapon type — Crossbow Requirement: 16 Strength 16 Dexterity Everyone in PvP thinks they’re hot ♥♥♥♥ until someone whips out the good old Battle Rifle from Halo 3. The Pulley Crossbow is hands down my favorite crossbow in the game, and I’ve really tried to come up with a positive case for it that doesn’t just pare down to brain happy when shoot three things. Admittedly, I do like offhanding this in PvP, because it’s a great way to inflict status on someone who just committed to an attack. Problem with that is, most strategies like this will only work once, and then they spend the rest of the fight expecting it. I just wish pumping someone full of Perfumer Bolts did half the damage it always seems to do to me.

№ 133 — Clinging Bone

Clinging Bone Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 8 Strength 22 Dexterity 16 Arcane The Lifesteal Fist gets zero spotlight just because it’s registered as a critical attack, which can only be used on human white enemies, and only reliably connects if you’re standing on a surface with a slope lower than the curvature of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Earth. But you can use a random soldier for a quick top off if you’re trying to save your flask, because you’re walking back from a boss handing you your ass and kicking it through the top of your head. It also has a significant reach advantage compared to others in its class, which is usually sorely missed on fist weapons.

№ 132 — Troll’s Golden Sword

Troll’s Golden Sword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 29 Strength 10 Dexterity I could lie and tell you this weapon is as irredeemable as it gets. I could tell you it kicks babies and swallows glass and people would still use it for a Sulyvahn cosplay. The blade’s a little wide, but otherwise it’s a near perfect resemblance. Pretty low stat requirements for a colossal sword, and it has some of the highest base damage on infusions you’ll ever find in the game. If you’re looking for reasons to choose it over the Greatsword, there’s… there’s zero. I can think of zero practical reasons. But hey, not everything needs to be a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ algebra equation. It’s still a perfectly competent sword, so main it without shame and tell the community’s number crunchers to solve for this ♥♥♥♥.

№ 131 — Golden Order Seal

Golden Order Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: 17 Intelligence 17 Faith It doesn’t suffer from the same setbacks as the Prince of Death’s Staff despite the similar scaling and stat requirements, but it being split perfectly down the middle between two magic stats really just results in the exact same conundrum. The subclass of magic that it boosts is actually really strong in capable hands, and I guess distributing yourself between two stats isn’t as painful, because a lot of great incantations also have intelligence benchmarks. And I think we’ve just decided as a whole that incantations are just better and more flexible anyways.

№ 130 — Parrying Dagger

Parrying Dagger Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 5 Strength 14 Dexterity A keen parrying dagger has one of the highest Dex scalings of any weapon in the game, but the extremely low base damage ultimately prevents it from being too outstanding. On the plus side, the parry itself is actually very good. It has nine active frames, which isn’t exactly enough to match the efficiency of small shields, but still more than what you’ll find on any other weapon. This gives it really good synergy with the Misericorde, but since most daggers have critical modifiers that exceed 100, you can just as comfortably power stance it with other daggers too. It’s competent enough with some style points to boot.

№ 129 — Large Club

Large Club Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 22 Strength When people go for bonking builds, this is among the first weapons they usually seriously consider. Weighing in at only eight and a half Miyazakis, the Large Club is one of the lightest great hammers available, and with very decent strength scaling right out of the gate. I only wish that carried over to its affinities, because with scaling this good, you’d expect it to top out at like an S or something with heavy affinity, which is a tad disappointing. Its base damage is still amazing, while even being able to contend with endgame options, and concussing people with an oversized bowling pin goes great with my cosplay of the caveman from those weird Geico commercials.

№ 128 — Inseparable Sword

Inseparable Sword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 18 Strength 18 Dexterity 20 Faith Holy Great Swords I’m generally not a fan of, but the Inseparable Sword is structured in a way that makes a lot of it tolerable. Its strongest stat scaling is with Faith, and being anchored in a single stat makes it much more convenient to build around. It’s got the fancy R1s, it comes with a convenient damage bonus against undead enemies like Deathbirds, and Sacred Blade as a skill is a decent one to be stuck with. The Holy Buff can be triggered very early in the animation, even if you get flinched out of the actual projectile itself, and when investing solely in Faith, this greatsword becomes the second strongest option, outmeasured only by the Sacred Affinity Iron Greatsword, due to its high base damage.

№ 127 — Magma Whip Candlestick

Magma Whip Candlestick Weapon type — Whip Requirement: 8 Strength 16 Dexterity 18 Faith Perhaps you like the idea of farming two Magma Curve swords in efforts to power stance them in a single playthrough, but that’s generally a tell that you haven’t actually tried to farm them. I can only promise you that picking up a single static drop and power stancing it with a fire weapon is signing up for much less suffering. The Candlestick is also capable at zoning and ranged damage, the unique skill can be used to push invaders into walls or uncomfortable spaces, and the scaling is really nice for whip-centered builds, since you’re probably already leveling Dex anyways.

№ 126 — Prelate’s Inferno Crozier

Prelate’s Inferno Crozier Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 45 Strength 8 Dexterity I almost dismissed this colossal weapon entirely because I was under the misconception that it had split damage, and it actually doesn’t. It has a 100% focus in physical damage, and begins with a C scaling in strength that can be throttled up to an A with heavy affinity. Prelate’s charge pairs nicely with the winged sword talismans, swaddling cloth, and a bunch of other talismans that reward consistent aggression. And the unique R2 just makes me feel like someone needs to mod in a giant spatula that replaces the weapon model. Really, the only thing preventing me from fully committing to a weapon like this is its design. It might be a bit too unique-looking.

№ 125 — Golden Order Greatsword

Golden Order Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 16 Strength 21 Dexterity 28 Faith If you’re a faith-centric build, your hardest decision is likely gonna be choosing between this and the Inseparable Sword. And even though this greatsword is a good 3 or 4 spots higher on the ladder, I’m still not completely satisfied with the idea of recommending one over the other 100% of the time. This has a slightly higher faith scaling than the Inseparable Sword, yet loses to it in most cases due to its lack of strength scaling. If you’re literally only leveling faith and keeping up your physical stats enough to meet requirements, the total damage output between the two is pretty much identical. But that unique skill is, uh, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

№ 124 — Sword of Night and Flame

Sword of Night and Flame Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 12 Strength 12 Dexterity 24 Intelligence 24 Faith This sword has been in a whole bunch of awkward places, and the three-way split means it probably still is, and will continue to be. But not only does it end up being one of the hardest-carrying straight swords during NewGame+ iterations, the equal int in faith scaling also gives it a flexibility most other weapons don’t have. No matter what direction you level in, you’re still gonna have one half of the unique skill that can reliably take down whatever you want it to. And whether that’s the comet or the flame spread depends on what single stat you’re focusing on. Which is a much more efficient approach, I think, than trying to balance two magic stats in a single playthrough.

№ 123 — Grafted Blade Greatsword

Grafted Blade Greatsword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 40 Strength 14 Dexterity It’s been burdened with anger, regret, and the curse of being eternally tied to a bunch of ♥♥♥♥♥♥ Game of Thrones memes no one gives a damn about anymore. Getting this sword early on means you have easy access to what’s basically a dollar store goodwill bootleg of Godrick’s Rune that you’re able to switch on and off whenever you like. The B scaling and strength and its high base damage do later game builds plenty of favors. But a build anchored specifically around strength also runs into much better options with little investment. If the Prelate’s Crozier hits like a truck, the Grafted Bladesword hits more like a crossover SUV.

№ 122 — Great Mace

Great Mace Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 28 Strength I think we need to establish a set of rules moving forward with how item descriptions should be written. One of those being, if a description contains phrases like sharp protrusions or blood-stained spikes, just give it some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bleed buildup. It would probably overclock the Great Mace’s damage to an absurd extent, but at least things would be consistent. The Great Mace out damages most other Great Hammers, and most of its unappealing attributes just have to do with more outlying factors like the Great Hammer moveset itself, and just little other utility outside of watch how ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ big I can make this number.

№ 121 — Bloodstained Dagger

Bloodstained Dagger Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 9 Strength 12 Dexterity It’s a rare drop from Demi-Human Chiefs, which is I think the single most annoying characteristic of this knife. There’s a few of them hanging around every now and then, sure, but it’s not exactly the kind of mob I can find gatherings of at a time. But the innate status buildup is enough to shove any weapon into the top third of any list. This is the dagger for Fire Ashes. Fire scales with strength, and although the heavy affinity has an A in strength scaling, the fire affinity still ends up being much more efficient.

№ 120 — Noble’s Estoc

Noble’s Estoc Weapon type — Thrusting sword Requirement: 9 Strength 10 Dexterity Strives to do its absolute best while living in the shadow of its more successful, multi-millionaire big brother, the Noble’s Slender Sword. The Noble’s Estoc is the proud owner of a 0.5% Go ♥♥♥♥ yourself. 0.5% drop rate farm from wandering nobles. You gave an obtainable weapon to some of the easiest enemies to farm in the whole game, and still found it a way to make it a living breathing nightmare. I don’t give a ♥♥♥♥ how good this sword is. I’m not going this out of my way to get it. I have other swords to rank.

№ 119 — Brick Hammer

Brick Hammer Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 31 Strength Your single fully efficient go-to resource for Crystallian busting equipped with the heaviest cement and altus. Roll this out with Cragblade and watch in amazement as the kneecaps of dragons disappear before your very eyes. Heavy affinity grants an S scaling to strength, a benefit that’s always welcome on a Great Hammer, but the weight can be cumbersome for a lot of builds that aren’t prepared for it. Slower weapons that dig into your stamina after just two attacks make it that much more important to actually connect with something. And this hammer is so short that it can whiff entire R2s when going after larger enemies, especially gargoyles. Why, like, why the ♥♥♥♥ are their legs so tiny? How does this make any physical sense? Nobody cares, shut up.

№ 118 — Golem Greatbow

Golem Greatbow Weapon type — Greatbow Requirement: 24 Strength 18 Dexterity When it comes to greatbows, and really just bows as a single unit, Golem Greatbow and Lion Greatbow are the only two choices with actual viability. The Pulley Bow is nice, the Black Bow has speed, but there’s little competition anywhere else. It doesn’t rely on cheap tricks or raining purple ♥♥♥♥ from the sky, it just has a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of ♥♥♥♥ of damage. The only reason you’re ever picking this up is because you just enjoy the satisfaction of pumping a giant metal rebar through someone’s entire ♥♥♥♥♥♥ life. And that’s fine.

№ 117 + № 116 — Rotten Crystal Sword + Crystal Sword

Rotten Crystal Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 13 Strength 10 Dexterity 15 Intelligence

Crystal Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 13 Strength 10 Dexterity 15 Intelligence I decided I would just throw these in right next to each other, because the only degree of separation between them is the pustulating veins of syphilis flowing through the rot-infused version. 50 Rot is sort of ass-tier, even for a quicker weapon like a straight sword. It’s barely any better on a dagger or a thrusting sword, and the inability to change the weapon skill pushes it down the list even further. But having magic and rot at the same time is an interesting combination, because even though they’re technically two different types of harm that rely on two completely different mechanics, being strong against magic usually means they’re weak against rot. No idea why that’s such a trend, I’m pretty sure it was done by accident, but that’s what it is. The Crystal Sword is a sword that deals magic damage. ♥♥♥♥♥♥’ tight. Put it in the pile.

№ 115 — Grossmesser

Grossmesser Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 14 Strength 12 Dexterity Being one of the best curved swords is somewhat akin to being the most appetizing entree served at Denny’s. It’s capable, it’s got great base damage, it’s one of the only strength-scaling curved swords available, but the weight is a bit much, particularly for power-stancing. The affinity scalings are far from preferable, and unless I run into one by complete accident, I’m just not farming skeletons for this. But if you do manage to pick one up during a splunking expedition, I’d at least think about it.

№ 114 — Ringed Finger

Ringed Finger Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 15 Strength 9 Dexterity It’s a meme weapon that’s misunderstood. The unique skill is actually very effective against staggered enemies, which nicely accompanies the weapon’s above-average stance damage. And the additional lore drop of it being severed from a finger creeper gives me a hilarious headcanon when fighting the hands in Caria Manor. Pancaking someone with a giant hammer involves no finesse or hidden agenda. It’s boring, and it’s unnecessary, and it’s violent. Like, that could be somebody’s wife. Don’t beat somebody’s wife. Use the Ringed Finger and beat someone’s ass with their wife.

№ 113 — Hammer

Hammer Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 14 Strength 7 Dexterity It’s a hammer. It’s good at hammering things. Good base stats, good reach, strike damage is okay against Crystallians, I guess. Look, I’m not writing a whole paragraph about some dude’s carpentry tools. You figure it out.

№ 112 — Wing of Astel

Wing of Astel Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 7 Strength 17 Dexterity 20 Intelligence On the right build, it’ll plunder entire cities. But unless you’ve torqued yourself specifically for this sword, it won’t stand out much. The 20% bonus damage to gravity-aligned enemies can come in handy, but you also pick this up in Noxtella, so you’ve probably at least cleared out all the falling star beasts. And the Astelles are magic-resistant anyway, so what purpose does this bonus actually fulfill outside of NewGame+? The real bonus of this sword is its projectile-launching heavy attacks that require 0 FP. And since the sword itself is already slightly focused towards magic damage, hitting someone with both the sword and the projectile in one swing can really give someone a bad day.

№ 111 — Gargoyle’s Halberd

Gargoyle’s Halberd Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 26 Strength 10 Dexterity The weapon itself has a very pronounced sheen of bronze, making the fact that a troll mistook it for a Q-tip 500 years ago a bit less obtrusive in my opinion. The heavy affinity also nets it an S-scaling in strength, so even if the base damage is slightly lower than average, builds that do a good job prioritizing physical stats in the beginning will be very comfortably set up for this weapon by the time they find it.

№ 110 — Giant’s Red Braid

Giant’s Red Braid Weapon type — Whip Requirement: 18 Strength 12 Dexterity 21 Faith I love this whip just because it makes sense. I can’t even properly count how many examples we’ve seen of odd balancing decisions, particular scalings that make no sense with the weapon it’s on, and stat requirements misleading people into thinking one stat should be prioritized over another, and the Giant’s Red Braid is just none of that ♥♥♥♥. Requires strength and faith but only 12 DEX, scales the strongest with strength and faith, both of which are extremely important in fire themed builds, affinities, and incantations. The unique skill doesn’t have any hyper armor, nor does it need any half the time. Why abuse your own hyper armor when you can just mulch everyone else’s poise instead? Also, it’s great for a Kratos cosplay, in case anyone out there hasn’t thought of that idea yet, somehow.

№ 109 — Maliketh’s Black Blade

Maliketh’s Black Blade Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 34 Strength 12 Dexterity 20 Faith It’s a great colossal sword, but part of me can’t shake this feeling that I’ve been scammed. Giving me a holy infused weapon right at the end of the game is a ♥♥♥♥ move no matter how edgy and cool you try to make it look. But this being the case, a fully upgraded Black Blade is one of the only weapons in the game with over 500 total base damage, and that’s not counting its B scaling and strength and faith. It may be split with holy, but it’s still gonna feel like a car accident. The unique skill is really nice for attack sponge bosses, and it’ll make things a bit easier in later NewGame+ iterations. It’s not like you’re gonna be using it in any other context, so.

№ 108 — Death Ritual Spear

Death Ritual Spear Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 14 Strength 20 Dexterity 18 Intelligence I’m not sure how sharp sticks managed to be such strong choices both in and out of actual real world history, but at least in Elden Ring’s case, that’s just because of how accessible they are as weapons. They aren’t weighty like a Halberd or a Great Hammer, but they can easily out-damage straight swords and daggers with no effort, leaving a nice comfortable middle ground that everyone can enjoy. I say this because the Death Ritual Spear is light, has sensible scaling, and generally lacks most of the setbacks that even spears have. The weapon skill gives the appearance of a giant killer skill, but the AoE of the spears actually makes them comfortable to use against pretty much anyone. The damage isn’t always there unless you’re level for it, but it still remains one of my favorites.

№ 107 — Lazuli Glintstone Sword

Lazuli Glintstone Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 8 Strength 9 Dexterity 13 Intelligence This straight sword has a bunch of random niche benefits that actually add up to it being a solid weapon. The scalings look bad on paper, but the sword totals out at 173 base damage at +0, which is kind of nuts for a straight sword. It has the same unique heavies as the Carian Night Sword, which gives it blocking frames that can be boosted by the Great Shield Talisman. It’s a solid strengthened sidearm that almost never feels cumbersome, but I feel like there was a missed opportunity to switch the end scaling to a C, which I think would make the most sense considering magic damage is already the sword’s focus. But then again, that’s probably why the end scaling doesn’t go that high, so what do I know?

№ 106 — Urumi

Urumi Weapon type — Whip Requirement: 10 Strength 19 Dexterity Pierce damage on a whip? Are you pulling my leg? Cause you should stop. That’s legally assault, and you can get in a lot of trouble. This thing is just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ weird. Keen Affinity grants it a 1.85 scaling modifier in dex, which is technically an S, but just barely. To my knowledge, it also deals slash damage exclusively, despite the heavies showing you hardening the blade and thrusting it forward. Although it’s a Nightfolk weapon, you can find it early in Carian Manor, at which point dex builds will already have easily met its requirements. The charged heavy can feel a bit awkward because it has two hits, but starts with the shorter ranged attack, which kinda ♥♥♥♥♥ on the whole point of using a whip. But the extraordinarily high dex scaling grants huge advantages with lightning themed dashes. And the Keen Urumi with good stats ends up having the highest physical AR out of any whip.

№ 105 — Short Spear

Short Spear Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity Probably one of the most reliable and consistent weapons in the entire game. It’s not the longest option you have, but it is certainly the cheapest. The stat requirements make it usable by most melee starting classes, and one of them even starts with the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing. It’s lightweight, it’s easy to use, and the unique heavy attack makes it great for inflicting status. Weapons like this are what teach people there’s more to life than watching a big number go up. If you were to judge the quality of this weapon by its base damage and scaling, you’d just be missing out on like half of why this spear works as well as it does.

№ 104 — Jar Cannon

Jar Cannon Weapon type — Ballista Requirement: 34 Strength 12 Dexterity More damage, more weight, more strength requirements. Well, not much really. It’s actually only four more points into strength, which comes as easy as a single talisman slot. So if you’re not feeling physically fit enough to lug around five extra pounds of power, then the Hand Ballista is still a nice substitute. Not sure why great bows only get access to magic and holy damage while handing fire and lightning ammunition over to the Ballista, but I’ve always felt like it’s just a really strange way to inconvenience ranged builders for like literally no reason.

№ 103 — Halberd

Halberd Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 14 Strength 12 Dexterity Halberds have always been in a great spot, balance-wise, and there’s very little I can think of to complain about with most of them outside of just wishing overall damage was a touch higher. The Halberd is probably the average of everything associated in its class, but it’s a Halberd nonetheless, and being an average Halberd is still better than the average of what most other weapon classes can offer.

№ 102 — Glaive

Glaive Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 18 Strength 15 Dexterity The Glaive and the Halberd are very frequently neck and neck with each other in plenty of different ways, and the C scaling in Dex shouldn’t make you too excited because the C in strength is a slightly lower C than the regular Halberd, resulting in them both having near identical scaling and never stretching any further than 9 points of AR away from each other. The only exception seems to be the quality affinity, where the Glaive starts gaining some slightly significant distance, but even then we’re usually just talking about 20-30 AR.

№ 101 — Antspur Rapier

Antspur Rapier Weapon type — Thrusting sword Requirement: 10 Strength 20 Dexterity Not very many Rot weapons exist, and it’s not even a status you can access through affinities, leaving Scarlet Rot a very rare and coveted ailment outside of incantations. Luckily, status builds pair wonderfully with thrusting swords like the Antspur Rapier. Powerstancing it with another thrusting sword seems counterintuitive, since normally you’d want the sword with the status to be doing most of the work, but the thrusting sword powerstance to moveset has this weird exception where you stab three separate times in a single attack with your main hand sword, making status application absurdly easy at times. It’s also buffable and infusible, despite its unique-ish appearance, and using multiple ailments in a single weapon isn’t usually as good as just having one with a bit of damage, but stacking a bunch of ♥♥♥♥ on top of it makes the inventory menu look kind of funny, so I guess you could do that if you want.

№ 100 — Grave Scythe

Grave Scythe Weapon type — Reaper Requirement: 17 Strength 13 Dexterity Increasing your vitality is almost never a mainstay utility on your character, nor should it be, but when it comes in handy it’s the best thing that’ll ever happen to you. Being inflicted with Deathblight literally just kills you, so items like the Grave Scythe and Pillory Shield are invaluable when searching through Deeproot Depths or Ladder Farum Azula, where all the wormfaces are. Innate Bleed never hurt anyone, except whoever you intend it to, and it outperforms the regular scythe in literally every way possible.

№ 99 — Vulgar Militia Saw

Vulgar Militia Saw Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 15 Strength 13 Dexterity Can we please stop making gardening equipment and ♥♥♥♥ so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ powerful for like no reason? What’s even the point of having all these cool, unique weapons if my plus 57 moon-silvered Dragon Breaker gets outperformed by a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rake in some dude’s garage? This Halberd’s Occult affinity on a high Arcane build should be outlawed. The Halberd class is already heavy enough to inflict big damage and status in one swing, but they’re also able to take advantage of all these weird multi-hit ashes like Spinning Strikes, Double Slash, and Sword Dance, making status build up a very ideal strategy for it in most cases. Add in some innate status and some ludicrously high affinity scaling, and you’ve got a garden rake that can end an entire lineage.

№ 98 — Carian Knight’s Sword

Carian Knight’s Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity 18 Intelligence This ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ was part of everybody’s first playthrough, and maybe that’s why it ended up being one of my favorites too. The attribute scaling could use some work, but the base damage is just comfortable enough. And even if you can’t grease it up, magic damage is still very easily buffable during the first half of the game. Even though you’re better off using a magic affinity longsword just for the damage, the Carian Knight Sword has more utility as its heavy attacks act as guard frames prior to the swing, which can be boosted by the Greatshield Talisman. So what if the unique skill requires you to dig into a bit more brainpower than the average fish? It still feels good enough to land on unsuspecting foes, and 430 total base damage on a straight sword is like Starfield Enjoyer levels of insanity.

№ 97 — Scavenger’s Curved Sword

Scavenger’s Curved Sword Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 9 Strength 14 Dexterity Curved swords have exactly one distinct advantage over other similar-weighted swords. The amount of hits you can accumulate over a short time is much more than average straight swords, or axes, or basically anything that isn’t a dagger. Power stancing them and slapping blood affinity on both further lends it to bleed builds, because the running and jumping attacks can hit four separate times. Curved swords have also been given some favorable buffs over the more recent patches, so it’s not like the class itself is hurting for attention or anything, but if 45 bleed buildup sounds underwhelming, I’d at least try it out first.

№ 96 — Butchering Knife

Butchering Knife Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 16 Strength 20 Dexterity Behold, the single most visually confusing weapon ever to have been squeezed out of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of From’s art department. Is a great axe, is called a knife, bears the appearance of a CGS, and has been treated like a regular one-handed axe throughout most of Soul’s history. The nostalgic part of me wishes it would’ve stayed that way, but having a decent Dex-scaling great axe with lifesteal properties and still leads with an A in strength scaling makes it probably the most versatile of any great axe except maybe Crescent Moon Axe. It’s not a weapon that anyone here is really pining over, but it has so many weird little conveniences that can synergize with all these different talisman setups that it’s honestly hard not to at least respect it for what it is.

№ 95 — Longhaft Axe

Longhaft Axe Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 24 Strength 8 Dexterity The only negative talking point I have for this one I think is the exact same as everyone else’s. I don’t know how many times I’ve said what I’m about to just in this single video, but taking a weapon and locking it behind an amusingly small drop rate from one of the game’s many endangered species is the easiest way to practically guarantee people’s disinterest. And that really sucks because this great axe is actually a hidden gem. Even though a lot of people tend to slap the fire affinity on it, its magic affinity actually grants it a B scaling in intelligence, giving it incredible potential with ashes like Spinning Weapon and Waves of Darkness. It has noticeably strong hyper armor, the requirements are to chore, and you’re bound to run into one eventually I guess. Just keep trying.

№ 94 — Nox Flowing Hammer

Nox Flowing Hammer Weapon type — Hammer Requirement: 17 Strength 7 Dexterity I respect the existence of hammers like this because it’s a reminder that strength builders are no longer in the position where they have to sacrifice fashion. The flowing form skill of the hammer can not only roll catch in PvP very easily, but it can also score easy damage against dodging enemies like Black Knives. And rather than being the 28 thousandth channel to make a joke about how the business end looks like the Silver Surfer’s Nutsack, I’m instead going to let you know that this hammer offers the highest strength scaling of any in its class, not including affinities, totaling out to a 1.24 when fully upgraded. I just wish I understood why the silver tier mask boosts arcane by 8 when both Nox weapons feature 0 arcane related perks while getting traffic jammed by the mask’s 5% physical attack penalty.

№ 93 — Death’s Poker

Death’s Poker Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 15 Strength 17 Dexterity 11 Intelligence More of a frostbite weapon than a magic weapon, especially since the little splinter of elemental damage it has in addition to its physical base kind of functions like a sixth finger. The end scaling gets overshadowed very quickly by strength and dex, leading me to assume the extra 36 just had to be there to consistently represent ghost flame as a source of magic damage. Only, wait right there, stop chewing on that broom handle and wait just a minute because the unique skill powers up exclusively with intelligence to the point where diminishing returns aren’t even that noticeable until you’re in the 50s, making the E to D intelligence scaling a very misleading indication of its true strength. Sadly, Death’s Poker has always been on the more popular side, so trivializing the whole of PvE with some dude’s backscratcher comes with very little bragging rights nowadays.

№ 92 — Royal Greatsword

Royal Greatsword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 26 Strength 18 Dexterity 22 Intelligence Aren’t hard at all to climb to considering how late you obtain it, but the scalings are just low enough to where putting levels into it feels like throwing money at your old 93 Pontiac ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in dire hopes that it’ll eventually run like new one day. It can still spank ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for over 900 AR with an optimal build, you just can’t invest in anything else for it to get there. The skill is also incredibly strong if both hits land, and even if you do mistime it, the delay before the Frost AoE is usually just long enough for someone to line up in front of you and get smacked by it anyways.

№ 91 — Lion Greatbow

Lion Greatbow Weapon type — Greatbow Requirement: 22 Strength 18 Dexterity I think I’d expect most people to say that this greatbow is a glorified piece of fancy wood with a great skill, and that’s mostly because the Lion Greatbow is a glorified piece of fancy wood with a great skill. But the surplus of people sleeping on the bow’s 20% damage bonus to Radahn’s Spear Greatarrows kinda makes me feel like the look at how bad bows are trend has never really been 100% in good faith. This greatbow leaves every other bow it competes with miles behind itself because that 20% damage boost carries over to its unique skill. It still applies the boost when offhanding, meaning a Radahn Spear fired from a Golem Greatbow is gonna hit that much harder. It stacks with the 20% damage bonus Radahn Spears inflict against Gravity enemies, and they have a significantly faster travel speed than regular Greatarrows. So yes, I know exactly how popular the Lion Greatbow is, and I still think it’s underrated.

№ 90 — Twinblade

Twinblade Weapon type — Twinblade Requirement: 10 Strength 18 Dexterity Twinblades have their crusty little fingers dipped in every single power pool in the game. They’ve got range, they’ve got versatility with weapon ashes, and having multiple hits on a single button press means status builds just got even stupider. The power stance jumping light has, I think, 8 hits if you’re power stancing them? And considering the status buildup gets pretty high on some of these, landing the full thing is one of the easiest status procs you’ve never earned. This is the plainest, most elementary Twinblade the game even gives you. It’s so basic it shares its name with the weapon category it’s a part of, and it’s still in the top 100. If you’re sleeping on Twinblades, you might as well just be sleeping, period.

№ 89 — Dragon King’s Cragblade

Dragon King’s Cragblade Weapon type — Heavy thrusting sword Requirement: 18 Strength 37 Dexterity And around here is where we start getting into heavy thrusting swords. There’s only 4, but I can personally assure you every single one of them are scientifically verified cheek slappers. The turning radius on the unique skill got handed some much needed help in a somewhat recent patch, making it 10 times as comfortable to use as before, as now it’s able to hug sharp corners and narrow hallways, which can make for some really fun bullshittery in PvP. It has the most total AR out of any of the 4 heavy thrusting swords, but it also weighs the most, shares a damage split with lightning, and isn’t even obtainable until the game’s penultimate realm.

№ 88 — Erdtree Seal

Erdtree Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: 40 Faith This catalyst has a not-so-specific niche that I think justifies the backloaded scaling that only kicks in after 60 or so faith. Healing incantations scale exclusively with your faith stat. If you’ve built yourself for, let’s say, the Dragon Communion Seal, then there’s a good chance Arcane is your highest stat, and this means healing spells won’t get nearly the same amount of mileage they normally would on a faith-centric seal. And it’s got good scaling, I guess. It hits around the 350 range at 80 faith, so pretty good.

№ 87 — Hookclaws

Hookclaws Weapon type — Claw Requirement: 8 Strength 14 Dexterity The Hookсlaws are a subclass of fist weapon known as Claws, which are essentially fists, but much more capable. The fact that they’re technically claws means they can offer an 8-bleed buildup with a noticeable reach advantage you normally don’t get from fists. It’s also a really easy weapon to buff because the sheer quantity attacks being thrown out over a given time means the flat damage bonuses on grease items can be abused to a pretty absurd extent. You can go the occult route if you really want people to hate you in PvP, but that also tends to sacrifice a lot of upfront damage you tend to get from physical scaling.

№ 86 — Bloodhound’s Fang

Bloodhound’s Fang Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 18 Strength 17 Dexterity I think this was everyone’s favorite sword for like two weeks at one point. Curved Greatswords are a tragic combination of beautifully animated motions, wonderful sound design, and the utility of a push lawnmower with steel-toed boots instead of wheels. Bloodhound’s Fang has a higher jumping MV than others in its class, suggesting wonderful synergy with Claw Talisman and the Raptor of the Mist’s Ash, but the unique skill is also incredibly low FP despite its damage, and although Dex retains most of the scaling focus, strength doesn’t exactly get left behind either. It’s probably the single most well-rounded sword in its class that stays relevant towards the endgame, even if 55-bleed on a CGS is as practical as using Devil May Cry’s Beowulf as a pair of oven mitts.

№ 85 — Winged Scythe

Winged Scythe Weapon type — Reaper Requirement: 16 Strength 16 Dexterity 24 Faith Getting this scythe at the very beginning of the game is a hidden gem because innate bleed is a great utility to have in Stormveil, and you’re about to be dealing with the nation’s densest popularity of Swiss Cheese Staff Clutchers for the next hour after that. If you put the stats into it, it’ll carry you much further than most other polearms, and the special effect that nullifies flask usage makes it great for lower-level invasions.

№ 84 — Cleanrot Spear

Cleanrot Spear Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 16 Strength 16 Dexterity 14 Faith Another dime-a-dozen case of physical in the front, elemental in the back, where people see the scalings and decide to completely ignore the lower one when that was actually the stat solely responsible for the unique skill. Just level faith if you’re gonna use this. I don’t give a ♥♥♥♥ what you read on Fextralife. Level faith. It’s worth it, I promise. Sacred Phalanx just hits that much harder with a deeper faith investment, and even further so if the entire skill actually connects.

№ 83 — Bloody Helice

Bloody Helice Weapon type — Heavy thrusting sword Requirement: 16 Strength 19 Dexterity 17 Arcane I have a really ♥♥♥♥♥♥ complaint with this sword. Not the sword, the complaint. The complaint is what’s ♥♥♥♥♥♥, because I can’t think of anything else. I’ve seen multi-hit charged heavies on both regular and heavy thrusting swords. They’re not common, but they’re definitely present. Meaning the absence of such moves on what happens to be a status weapon had to be a conscious decision. It’s not a huge complaint. If it can bleed, it certainly still will, but it’s a small bottleneck that maybe three people have noticed, and it just feels pointless because you can slap a blood affinity on all the other heavy thrusting swords to begin with.

№ 82 — Greathorn Hammer

Greathorn Hammer Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 22 Strength 10 Dexterity Okay, so… so I know what I said about Longhaft, but now I’m gonna be a hypocrite for a few seconds, and I hope you guys don’t mind. I’m not completely sure if this is my favorite great hammer to use or not. I’ve never seen a standard weapon possess affinity scalings this universally good. Flame Art, Magic, Sacred, Poison, whatever. There’s always a B at the very least thrown in there somewhere. Using this out of the box and deciding it sucks before making any adjustments to it is the largest disrespect anyone could do to this weapon. And I’m not even saying that like you’d be wrong or anything. The standard Great Horn sucks, but affinities are part of the game. At least look at them.

№ 81 — Venomous Fang

Venomous Fang Weapon type — Claw Requirement: 9 Strength 9 Dexterity There are four weapon subclasses that all come with innate passive status buildup. Scythes, Katanas, Flails, and Claws. And without fail, there is always at least one black sheep who wakes up one day and makes it his mission to just ♥♥♥♥ that up. And for the Claw family, it’s the Venomous Fangs. Normally I wouldn’t favor Poison too much at any point in the game that isn’t the first couple hours, but a passive 72 buildup on anything is a pretty solid perk. The stat requirements are so low there’s almost no reason for them to even be there. And no matter what your physical stats are, the Venomous Fang somehow always stay 20 to 30 AR above the rest of the Claw roster.

№ 80 — Godslayer’s Seal

Godslayer’s Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: 4 Strength 27 Faith There are exactly two positive attributes that make this seal as good as it is. Firstly, the fact that it’s a catalyst that comes with a magic subtype boost without its scaling getting completely asphyxiated into Toileteer. And secondly, the particular magic subtype that it improves. Black Flame incantations are already a hair above regular Flame incantations, with a few exceptions, just because of their DOT effect. So deciding to squeeze even more power out of those is almost never a bad call. It remains the single most powerful Faith-centric seal all the way up to 70, which is when the Erdtree Seal’s backloaded ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ finally kicks in and sends its scaling into the mid 3’s in like 5 levels.

№ 79 — Broadsword

Broadsword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity It’s one of the most boring weapons, albeit one of the most effective at what it does. Broadswords tend to be much shorter in length, but this one manages to tickle the average line for straight sword reach. Everything about this sword just feels comfortable to use. The scaling is nice, the base damage is impressive for how easily accessible it is, and straight swords are such a basic elementary weapon class that it can use pretty much whatever Ash it wants. I have personal gripes about the lack of a thrusting attack, but if the only detriment I’m potentially running into is having the wide-sweeping heavy bounce off a conspicuously placed wall I could’ve just walked 2 feet away from, then I think we’re in a pretty good spot.

№ 78 — Dragon Halberd

Dragon Halberd Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 22 Strength 10 Dexterity The unique skill is a very deceptive spinning slash that for whatever reason has the exact same title as the regular one. So why did the skill for Dragonscale Blade get a cool unique name and not this one? How the ♥♥♥♥ did I go 2 months playing this game without ever finding out this existed? The scaling is a nice and comfortable BC physical split, it takes you maybe 5 minutes to go to Siofra and drop the boss that carries it, and 22 strength isn’t even that out of the way on half the starting classes. You can pick this up as soon as you step outside, and the ice lightning buff ensures that its damage never falls out of relevance even in the endgame.

№ 77 — Great Epee

Great Epee Weapon type — Heavy thrusting sword Requirement: 15 Strength 16 Dexterity Intelligence Faith Arcane Finally, a thrusting sword with some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ muscle. Heavy thrusting swords haven’t been done a single favor since the last 3 patch notes, probably even further back than that, and these toothpicks of death still run through everything just fine. I didn’t even notice the lack of a good crit modifier, mostly because I didn’t care. And you won’t either when you see the A scaling it gets on Heavy Affinity and starts swinging it around like it’s a stone pillar.

№ 76 — Partisan

Partisan Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 15 Strength 12 Dexterity Spears don’t need much help as they already are, but the unique slashing heavies give the Partisan more flexibility than most in its class. It’s one of the most fashionable spears I think you’ll ever find, the red tassel making it a great fit for pretty much any armor set involving the color red. I don’t get it, a spear with this much detail should expectedly clash with everything, but it somehow manages the exact opposite. It just looks sexy, I have no explanation, it just does. Less than ideal affinity scalings, but again, you don’t need that much help when you’re already treated like royalty by the balance team.

№ 75 — Meteoric Ore Blade

Meteoric Ore Blade Weapon type — Katana Requirement: S15 trength 14 Dexterity 18 Intelligence I’ve become so impatient with how the scalings work on some weapons with three different stat requirements that whenever I see a sword that actually does it correctly, it just makes me a very happy person. 15 Strength, 14 Dex, 18 Int. Guess what it scales best with? Strength and Int. Done. Clock out for the day, works over, go home, you did good today. That’s all like half of these somber weapons we’re missing. Gravitas isn’t the hardest hitting ash, and it’s something you can just slap onto any wooden stick, but it does have wonderful utility on shorter weapons. Like, like you know, katanas, for example.

№ 74 — Great Knife

Great Knife Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 6 Strength 12 Dexterity Innate bleed, flexible, good base damage, S scaling for Dex with Keen Affinity. Keen and Blood Affinities tend to be the two most popular choices for this one, but I personally think the Occult Affinity is the best way to squeeze out as much from this weapon as you can. Sure, you miss out on around 30 blood build up per strike, but it also gives you an A in Arcane Scaling, so you can still hold on to some of the damage Blood Affinities usually sacrifice. Not a huge fan of the toothpick sized reach, but it power stances pretty comfortably with a Reduvia, so I guess it doesn’t really matter that much.

№ 73 — Estoc

Estoc Weapon type — Thrusting sword Requirement: 11 Strength 13 Dexterity Every now and then thrusting swords aren’t afraid to get adventurous and show you they’re more than capable of just thrusting. I’ll let you use your imagination and finish that joke in the comments, but the only thing I really have to say about this sword is that the charged R2s feel like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ wet dream. They’re quick, they don’t consume that much stamina, and they don’t suffer from any lowered motion values as a result. It’s just a good weapon.

№ 72 — Regalia of Eochaid

Regalia of Eochaid Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 12 Strength 18 Dexterity 15 Arcane A theme among Elden Ring’s weaponry is getting overshadowed by your sibling that’s more well-behaved, gets better grades, and does his ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chores when he’s supposed to. The regular Gargoyle weapons outshine the Blackblade versions, the Dragon Halberd eclipses the Dragonscale Blade in terms of both power and popularity, and here we have another instance involving the Regalia and the Marais Executioner Sword. Only the Mireille Sword is one of the nine legendary armaments, which is more like an equivalent of your brother growing up to be Elon Musk while you just manage a law firm around the corner or something. You’re still successful, and you should be grateful for the life you have, and that your hell-bent father didn’t rake you down with the frozen needle because he decided to be an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ about your pitiful reach and scaling.

№ 71 — Glintstone Kris

Glintstone Kris Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 5 Strength 12 Dexterity 16 Intelligence I can’t ♥♥♥♥-talk this dagger. I’m in love with it. It’s probably my favorite in the game. The design is outstanding, the base damage is already high, even with it split between physical and magic, and it just keeps getting stupider the more you level yourself up. I don’t feel the need to replace the ash on it, because why would I? I don’t even need to explain to you how quickly the weapon skill can fry ♥♥♥♥ in PvE. If you’ve ever used it, you just know. This is what the Crystal Knife should have been. Very similar damage and scaling across the board, but just a little bit of finesse on the weapon skill makes all the difference it needs.

№ 70 — Warhawk’s Talon

Warhawk’s Talon Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 10 Strength 16 Dexterity It’s a straight sword with a multi-hit heavy, meaning it’s one of the greater options for status, winged sword talismans, and whatever tools in the game require aggression to fully activate. The enemies are a bit of a ♥♥♥♥♥ to farm, but that’s why we have ♥♥♥♥ like Thunderbolt. A scaling with keen affinity means lightning-themed dashes like Thunderbolt are a great pair, so you can continue your farming expedition and get a second Warhawk Talon. Or maybe play some Stardew Valley if you like farming so ♥♥♥♥♥♥’ much.

№ 69 — Cipher Pata

Cipher Pata Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 30 Faith This weapon and the coded sword both have really straightforward and really hidden benefits that you either notice immediately, or take 5 playthroughs and 20 minutes on a wiki page to even acknowledge. The base damage on this and the sword are the exact same, meaning the first variant, when paired, can technically climb to a higher DPS. The unique skill, however, is a thrusting poke, which I’m not really a fan of compared to the sword’s unique skill that covers a wider area. But still, it weighs 0 pounds, scales exclusively with Faith, and has all its damage in one slot.

№ 68 — Carian Regal Scepter

Carian Regal Scepter Weapon type — Glintston staff Requirement: 8 Strength 10 Dexterity 60 Intelligence Probably one of the best in-game staffs, second only to Lusat’s Glintstone Staff. Academy Staff still outperforms it all the way up to 68 Intelligence, but it tops out at 373 scaling with 80 INT, which is one of the highest available. Moon Sorceries also give iframes, eat projectiles, and elevate your character upward, which allows you to stay safe from ground-crawling attacks during the cast animation. The boost helps, but it’s more a reminder to not ignore the Moon Sorceries than anything else.

№ 67 — Magma Wyrm’s Scalesword

Magma Wyrm’s Scalesword Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 24 Strength 15 Dexterity 18 Faith Curved Greatswords just keep getting better and better, to be honest. Even if they’re some of the most visually offensive weapons I think you could ever pick up, ranging from not interesting to downright repulsive. The Scale Sword has none of these qualities, gives you access to an incredibly quick, unique heavy attack, and is the proud owner of the single greatest unique skill Curved Swords can offer, with scaling that rivals the Blasphemous Blade. I know people tend to think this weapon is ♥♥♥♥ just because they think it’s ugly, but, well, the last thing you need for yourself is to be wrong twice in one sentence, so.

№ 66 — Crescent Moon Axe

Crescent Moon Axe Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 25 Strength 15 Dexterity Tired of that stubby little greataxe that’s basically just a regular axe except really heavy and unwieldy up until the mid-game? Try the Crescent Moon Axe. It’s obtained from the Stormveil Exiles, which are relatively near every grace in that area, so it’s not a complete chore to farm. It’s sexier than most other greataxe options, the affinity scalings are just nice enough, and it has unique sweeping attacks similar to Axe of Godrick, giving it a denser moveset variety than just striking downward into the floor.

№ 65 — Twinned Knight Swords

Twinned Knight Swords Weapon type — Twinblade Requirement: Strength Dexterity Intelligence Faith Arcane This is your strength option for Twinblades. Even on other non-elemental affinities like Blood and Cold, it still gets a solid B scaling in strength, and the status buildup on +25 start tickling the 140 mark on Blood affinity. So if you thought you could just forget this advice because you had a headcanon that Twinblades were dex weapons and no one educated you further, well, this is your personal signal for me to get off your ass and try new things. It outranges all other Twinblades, despite the difference usually being pretty negligible, and those status modifiers make for some nasty PvP builds.

№ 64 — Halo Scythe

Halo Scythe Weapon type — Reaper Requirement: 13 Strength 16 Dexterity 15 Faith Not exactly a fan of the weird problem you run into specifically for this weapon, where the rings you toss out get caught on the edges of walls inside dungeons, which just so happen to be where populations of the skeleton variety tend to hang out, and holy damage just so happens to be their weakness. ♥♥♥♥♥♥’. Anyways, the scythe still retains its hitbox during the skill animation, so you can throw frisbees at people and inflict bleed at the same time.

№ 63 — Warped Axe

Warped Axe Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 24 Strength 8 Dexterity You know that one weapon you never try out until 10 playthroughs later and someone tells you how busted it is and you just don’t believe them? Well, we aren’t gonna be talking about the Nightrider Glaive for another 20 minutes, so for now I’m just going to sell you on this equally broken axe instead. This axe has the same status buildup modifiers as a greataxe. 127 frost, 115 poison, and 100 bleed, on a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ axe, with an alternate moveset that’s slightly quicker. This list has over 300 entries, so I’m obviously saying this while forgetting one or two others may exist, but I’m pretty sure this is THE status weapon. Like, period.

№ 62 — Hand of Malenia

Hand of Malenia Weapon type — Katana Requirement: 16 Strength 48 Dexterity Used to suck, now it doesn’t. It’s difficult for me to rank this anywhere because I find that it never exactly fits. Rank it too low and you risk ignoring the fact that Waterfowl Dance has actually been pushed up to a comfortable spot in PvP where it’s not only somewhat usable, but really strong against certain builds. Rank it too high and you start wondering what good people will find in a katana that might as well be exclusively a NewGame+ weapon. Cause, let’s just face it, you’re not gonna get curious one day and just shovel out 48 Dex for a katana that somehow still gets beat by the Nagakiba in range. Sure, you should give the weapon a chance, but if your Dex isn’t tickling the scrotum of 48, then I can tell you it does your taxes and you still wouldn’t be interested.

№ 61 — Bolt of Gransax

Bolt of Gransax Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 20 Strength 40 Dexterity Great. ♥♥♥♥. Here come the spears. Here they are! Grandsax gets little to no spotlight in the lore of the game, despite being the single most powerful ancient dragon we ever hear of. Strong enough to pick a fight with a literal city of dragon slayers and not immediately get deleted from existence. I can’t pick this ♥♥♥♥ up! Look at how big this thing is! Uh, oh. Oh, you mean the… you mean the toothpick sitting on top of it? That’s mine? I mean, what am I gonna do? Complain that it’s too small? Bolt action range for the unique skill on a spear that’s already not exactly itching for it. And as long as you aren’t storming Farum Azula with it, then this spear’s pretty useful no matter where you take it.

№ 60 — Miquellan Knight’s Sword

Miquellan Knight’s Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 11 Strength 11 Dexterity 16 Faith I think the least recognized benefit of this sword is the alternate heavies. They look cool and everything, sure, but that first heavy attack closes a massive amount of distance, and having it on a straight sword means it doesn’t take an abysmally long time to push through the charging animation. Sacred Blade continues to get buffs in recent patches, so investing some time into this sword might turn out to be an even better decision than you thought. Shame its potential gets brickwalled by it being an Elphael, but hey, still a good NewGame+ option.

№ 59 — Cinquedea

Cinquedea Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 10 Strength 10 Dexterity In strength builds, this dagger consistently ends up with the highest physical damage of any other. It’s the second longest dagger in the game, which I’d hope so, because it’s technically not even a dagger. The recovery time of Bestial Sling being as astronomically small as it is means it can be cast in-between dagger strikes to flinch small enemies. The bonus stacks multiplicatively with the Clawmark seal, making Stone of Gurranq even more of an oppressive force than it already is, and the negligible dead time between casting and whipping out an R1 means it catches rolls in PvP pretty easily.

№ 58 — Marais Executioner’s Sword

Marais Executioner’s Sword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 24 Strength 14 Dexterity 23 Arcane The champion of one-shots, the pioneer of talisman boosting, and probably one of the only legendary armaments that actually understands that the word legendary is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ privilege. Despite scaling best with strength, the arcane requirement is still 23, making for a little confusion when the arcane scaling tops out at a D at +10. Also a tad embittered by not being able to control the sword slashes with my weird telekinetic magneto powers that I know I have somewhere, but any further complaining I think just takes away from what’s already a pretty great weapon.

№ 57 — Reduvia

Reduvia Weapon type — Dagger Requirement: 5 Strength 13 Dexterity 13 Arcane No other dagger comes close to how this one performs. It has the physical AR of Cinquedea, an iteration of the Blood Blade Ash that doesn’t mulch your HP when you spam it, enough bleed buildup to compete with Blood Affinity weapons in its class without the damage compromise, and to be an arcane when fully upgraded. The swipe of the dagger is an attack all on its own during the unique skill, which also inflicts bleed, meaning you can reasonably proc in a single hit if someone’s mentally crammed enough to stay in your face.

№ 56 — Banished Knight’s Halberd

Banished Knight’s Halberd Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 14 Strength 12 Dexterity Let this be a public apology from me to you. The Halberd. Not you the audience. I don’t give a ♥♥♥♥ about you guys. I mean the Halberd. I vastly underestimated your capabilities just due to your boring spear-like moveset, when in reality you were just trying to teach me the lesson that there is strength in the ordinary. It drops as a +8 from Edgar in Castle Morn, it gets fashionably demoed by all the Banished Knights in Stormveil, and the stat requirements are so conveniently low that an astrologer with bigger than average biceps could probably pick it up. It does everything in its power to make sure you at least look at it.

№ 55 — Clayman’s Harpoon

Clayman’s Harpoon Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 12 Strength 10 Dexterity 12 Intelligence This spear is extremely special. A split damage weapon that can be infused and buffed is already a rare enough sight, but the key to its prowess is in the affinities. Physical affinities like Heavy and Keen still do what you expect, only its intelligence scaling is allowed to stay, making it an extremely strong choice for multiple elements because that magic damage refuses to be pushed down no matter what you infuse it with. It’s one of the easiest weapons to farm considering there’s an entire colony of these ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chillin’ out right below the Ainsel Sluice Gate, Grace, and power stancing a pair of these with Cold affinity is just strong enough to threaten meta builds and PvP while being just obscure enough for nobody to ♥♥♥♥ on you for it.

№ 54 — Commander’s Standard

Commander’s Standard Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 24 Strength 14 Dexterity If the only benefit you believe this halberd has is its unique skill being a tuned-up, badassified variant of Golden Vowel, then you just haven’t used this. So many people get behind this weapon because of the strength of its unique skill, making it probably the most wrongfully labeled weapon in all of Elden Ring. The reach-out classes every other halberd, which is fully taken advantage of by the thrusting moveset, the BD scaling in strength and dex gives it a really comfortable niche with quality builds, and it ends up having the second highest physical AR of any halberd minus affinities, with a 60 in both physical stats.

№ 53 — Morgott’s Cursed Sword

Morgott’s Cursed Sword Weapon type — Curved greatsword Requirement: 14 Strength 35 Dexterity 17 Arcane I don’t know how wide the power gap is between this and other CGSs, but I can’t even remember the last one we listed, so it’s probably quite a bit. Some people would have preferred to have an 8 fire damage, but I actually think it’s really comfortable having a unique fire-themed skill on an otherwise physical weapon. Its strongest stats are dex and arcane, which are already two of the most popular building choices, so there’s a strong chance you’re already equipped to use this when you find it. And if you still haven’t decided, just use this skill a couple times and you’ll probably be sold almost immediately.

№ 52 — Inquisitor’s Girandole

Inquisitor’s Girandole Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 18 Strength 15 Dexterity 16 Faith I promise I didn’t mean for all the blood and fire weapons to be peppering the higher portions of the list like this, that’s just how things ended up. This one’s pretty good. Bleed, fire, spear. Three best things you can ask for, and it does a wonderful job at not overplaying any of its strengths.

№ 51 — Dark Moon Greatsword

Dark Moon Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 16 Strength 11 Dexterity 38 Intelligence Nice glow stick, bro.

№ 50 — Coded Sword

Coded Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 20 Faith No need to level anything except faith, no split damage, and it’s the alternate answer to the age-old problem true caster builds are all too familiar with. A melee sidearm that actually ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ works. The unique skill phases completely through shields, lending itself to potential hard counter strategies against block pokers, and the wider horizontal swing of the blade during the skill gives it a nice utility against crowds. Sure, it falls off towards the endgame, but again, the endgame is only like 5% of the whole experience, so saying holy damage is ass simply because it doesn’t perform that well in a specific, honestly extremely short part of the game is a bit dishonest. It hits hard for a straight sword, it doesn’t bounce off walls and enclosed spaces, and being pure holy damage makes tools like Sacred Scorpion Charm and Holy Shrouding Tear that much more comfortable.

№ 49 — Flamberge

Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 15 Strength 14 Dexterity It’s named the way it is because the flowing blade gives the impression of a live flame, hence the name Flamberge. No, no, no, don’t fact check that or anything, I promise, it’s true.

№ 48 — Treespear

Treespear Weapon type — Great spear Requirement: 15 Strength 22 Dexterity 18 Faith It’s a big golden pointy stick. You can’t exchange the weapon skill for anything better, and it has innate holy damage, but the fact that it’s a great spear just makes it one of the most comfortable weapons to use. So much so that its setbacks and disadvantages mean very little once you actually pick it up and start poking ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with it.

№ 47 — Star Fist

Star Fist Weapon type — Fist Requirement: 12 Strength 8 Dexterity The blood affinity provides 82 bleed buildup per strike, and considering fist and claw weapons come in pairs, all that cancer begins to add up preposterously quickly. This is the hidden benefit behind most paired weapons like fists and claws. Claws slightly more so due to their innate bleed and better reach, but the Star Fist measures up quite nicely against others of this breed. I’m not sure if the additional spikes technically give the fist a bigger hitbox, but I’m pretty sure that would be felt on other weapons like the Morning Star, and I don’t know if there’s a proper way to measure that. It’s good. Honestly, incredibly good for a fist weapon.

№ 46 — Golden Halberd

Golden Halberd Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 30 Strength 14 Dexterity 12 Faith Right at the start of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game. That’s the sign of a great weapon, most of the time. Actually, that’s not even true. I don’t know why I said that. The split still prioritizes physical damage, and having holy damage this early isn’t exactly the worst thing to wish on someone, but most importantly, the total base damage towers over 200 on a +0, which is pretty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid. The Ash of War variant of Golden Vow isn’t particularly strong, and the strength requirements seem a little out of reach, but that can be solved with some good ol’ two-handed action. A little bit of help with poise, and you’ll be trading with colossals in no time.

№ 45 — Sword of Milos

Sword of Milos Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 15 Strength 19 Dexterity This great sword comes with so many weird little benefits that it just makes it hard not to ignore. The FP regen on kill gives it a comfortable niche with magic builds or other melee builds that hinge on the use of war ashes, the charged heavies close distance, free bleed buildup, great physical scaling on a +10, and the lore strikes a really cozy balance between sad as ♥♥♥♥ and oh my god, I’m beating ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with somebody’s spine energy. Probably because you’re beating ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with somebody’s spine.

№ 44 — Uchigatana

Uchigatana Weapon type — Katana Requirement: 11 Strength 15 Dexterity It’s a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ katana. You need an explanation on why it’s good? Go start a playthrough with the samurai class. I’m not explaining it to you.

№ 43 — Spiked Spear

Spiked Spear Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 14 Strength 16 Dexterity Both strike and pierce damage in a single spear, essentially meaning it’ll always be good against something. You’ve also got the converted tower grace that’s situated nicely next to six of those practice dummy Mensis bird cage looking weirdos, so even though it’s a 2% drop rate, I’ve never found this spear that much of a chore to obtain. The bleed buildup is a really nice touch, but the affinity scalings are very quick to show you this spear’s potential does, in fact, have a ceiling.

№ 42 — Academy Glintstone Staff

Academy Glintstone Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 6 Strength 28 Intelligence Sure, there are more objectively powerful staffs in the game, but that shouldn’t take away from the fact that the Academy Staff is what you easily spend the most amount of time with as a sorcerer. Even in higher intelligence ranges, it still has enough potency to wrestle with heavy hitters like the Regal Scepter and even Lusat Staff. And it isn’t until 70 INT where a difference is finally made and options like the Scepter and the Crystal Staff start pulling ahead. Once you hit 28 INT, you won’t need to replace this thing for a long while. It’s reliable, the design is unobtrusive, and it’s just about everything a sorcerer build could ask for.

№ 41 — Curved Great Club

Curved Great Club Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 24 Strength 10 Dexterity Are you serious? I have so many questions. Why are you constantly putting downright sinful base damage on weapons that could double as plastic movie props? And why do we see second gen albinorics blowing into this like a tuba and summoning death laser skeletons with it? How did you squander so many opportunities with this great hammer and still manage to have it be one of the best in the game? 145 base damage? Do you need a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ psychiatrist?

№ 40 — Ordovis’s Greatsword

Ordovis’s Greatsword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 25 Strength 13 Dexterity 15 Faith A wonderful weapon that both feels comfortable and has exceptional scaling at +10. The fact that it doesn’t hinge on holy damage or faith scaling makes it a great strength weapon, in addition to the unique skill only scaling with the weapon level. Everything seems to line up in a way that looks like it would make the faith scaling irrelevant, but it still gets a capable C scaling at +10. The unique skill itself is just stupid. It’s stupid as ♥♥♥♥. It feels so much better to use than it probably deserves, and it stays relevant all the way till the endgame, even with its holy damage spread, which is honestly very impressive.

№ 39 — Executioner’s Greataxe

Executioner’s Greataxe Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 34 Strength 8 Dexterity The only greataxe with a crit modifier over 100. I don’t know if it’s the best greataxe numbers wise, but it sure is ♥♥♥♥ my favorite. Its compatibility with lightning slash opens a window to dragonslayer armor cosplay builds, but it’s honestly so much more than that. Just about all the affinity scalings are very friendly to this weapon for like no reason. If it didn’t have such a skin boilingly low drop rate tied to one of the rarest and stupidest enemies in the game, this greataxe could’ve easily climbed into top 10.

№ 38 — Godskin Stitcher

Godskin Stitcher Weapon type — Heavy thrusting sword Requirement: 14 Strength 17 Dexterity The lack of pommel striking moves we see on the godskin noble prevents me from ranking this one too high up, but in all honesty, if that actually was a part of the moveset, I just complain about its short reach anyways, so who the ♥♥♥♥ even cares. It’s still a heavy thrusting sword with decent scaling, and having those two things at once is already such a rarity that it being simply competent is more than enough to push it up to the top 50. The Stitcher seems to climb just past the great epee on most affinities except heavy, but some people might still prefer the wider moveset of the epee due to its heavies.

№ 37 — Blasphemous Blade

Blasphemous Blade Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 22 Strength 15 Dexterity 21 Faith Probably one of the single greatest weapons for anything PvE related, but it also has some setbacks I think most people haven’t really considered. Fire damage is nice, yes, we all know this, but that’s not taking into account this greatsword’s mortal enemy, rain. Fire damage loses 20% of its punching power when the enemy is either in water or being pissed on by the greater will in the form of precipitation. This makes areas like Dragonbarrow and Deeproot decently equipped to push back against builds that use this greatsword. It’s still a wonderful main weapon, the base damage is comparable to Godslayer’s greatsword, which isn’t even in the same ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ class, and the additional heal on hit effect attached to the unique skill means you’ll basically never die.

№ 36 — Bloodhound Claws

Bloodhound Claws Weapon type — Claws Requirement: 10 Strength 15 Dexterity Incredibly light, goes through shields and armor, comes with a stupidly powerful ash as a default, and the highest base damage of any other claw. If you complain about the reach on this weapon compared to other claws, then congratulations, you’re officially hard to please.

№ 35 — Greatsword

Greatsword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 31 Strength 12 Dexterity Look, it’s the butts build. Butts from Gezerk. This is the colossal sword for colossal sword builds. If you build around this, you won’t need much else in any department.

№ 34 — Sacred Relic Sword

Sacred Relic Sword Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 14 Strength 22 Dexterity 22 Faith You can get around 6 million runes per hour if you farm the Albinaurics from Mohgwyn Palace. Great. Okay, now that I’ve got the easy part out of the way, ♥♥♥♥ yourself if this is the only reason you use this sword. Do it on camera right now. This is the single great sword for Dex Faith builds. The range is great, you have a crit modifier of 110, the visual design is literally a crucified radagon with a giant holy needle coming out his ass, and the unique skill is exceptionally powerful against just about everything. Stop genociding innocent frogmen for a few minutes and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

№ 33 — Crystal Staff

Crystal Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 8 Strength 48 Intelligence This is one of the only staffs that are not only good out of the box, but stay capable no matter what level your intelligence is. Once you hit that 48 Int benchmark, it stays at the top and refuses to be irrelevant. Once you actually start cranking levels into intelligence, it’ll rank among the top 3 highest performers towards the endgame, and Shattering Crystal being the 2 gauge shotgun that it already is probably doesn’t need a boost of any kind, but that’s never stopped you before so just use it.

№ 32 — Serpent-Hunter

Serpent-Hunter Weapon type — Great spear Requirement: None I just didn’t think this great spear was ever that good until people told me to use it in speedruns, so let this be a humbling reminder that your opinion on anything is allowed to change. Firstly, this isn’t ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Armored Core, so take your dumbass chainsaw and get out of PvP. Secondly, this isn’t ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Rainbow Six Siege. Go test out a new low-level build if PvP spam bothers you so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ much. There, now I’ve pissed everyone off. Mid-A scaling and strength means this spear should at least be looked at, even if you’ve dismissed it for being a gimmick weapon in the past. It has no surprises outside of Records Arena, and that’s kind of the beauty of it. The reach is very okay for what it is, but the damage on even lighter attacks plus its hyper armor will have you feeling stupid for never considering it.

№ 31 — Helphen’s Steeple

Helphen’s Steeple Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 19 Strength 10 Dexterity 22 Intelligence A nice, comfortable, strength-int weapon. Certainly no shortage of those swimming around. But this one is a special case. The buff provided by the unique skill comes out extremely quickly, and it gives you a flat buff of 100 magic damage plus frost buildup. 3 or 4 quick attacks from there is almost always all you ever need to reliably proc frost, and the additional damage means even light attacks can start knocking away absurdly large chunks of enemy health. If you remember to actually use the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ skill, the steeple is probably one of the best strength-int weapons on the market.

№ 30 — Eleonora’s Poleblade

Eleonora’s Poleblade Weapon type — Twinblade Requirement: 12 Strength 21 Dexterity 19 Arcane This weapon is in a very interesting spot. The skill is actually so stupidly telegraphed that I’ve noticed people either don’t expect it, or they’re so floored by the sheer audacity to even attempt something so bereft of human reason that their inaction via mental stunlock leads to them eating the entire thing. It’s blood and fire damage in a single weapon, meaning even on its worst days, it’s decent. This weapon is so multifaceted, it’s got status, it’s got elemental damage, it has multiple hits with nearly every single attack, and it can be power stance very comfortably with a blood affinity twin blade if you’re feeling a little on the oppressive side.

№ 29 — Fallingstar Beast Jaw

Fallingstar Beast Jaw Weapon type — Colossal weapon Requirement: 34 Strength 12 Dexterity 20 Intelligence Yeah, of course this was gonna be up here somewhere. I hate colossal weapons. Like, to a harebrained extent sometimes. And it doesn’t happen often, but unfortunately that reflex results in me losing out on experiencing world-endingly powerful weapons like the jaw. This thing is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ atom bomb with a handle. If you don’t like Thunderbolt for some reason, then Gravity Bolt is a retooled magic damage poise-munching variant of it that somehow expands on everything that makes it good, while only demanding slightly more FP. The reach on this thing is incredible, but once again, I feel like the 20% damage towards gravity-aligned enemies is only really useful if the weapon is placed at a decently early spot in the game. Finding it this far in means you’re likely only going to use that benefit exploring the yellow anus. And who the ♥♥♥♥ wants to do that?

№ 28 — Claymore

Claymore Weapon type — Greatsword Requirement: 16 Strength 13 Dexterity Even though it gets placed at the median of the Greatsword selection in terms of range, it’s actually slightly higher than the average. And the only reason this diagram is here is because I know hearing too much math terminology leaves some people susceptible to vomiting on themselves. It’s not just good, it’s consistently good. It’s found incredibly early in the game, it’s compatible with so many different ashes, and weighing only 9 pounds is an even further testament to its flexibility. This Greatsword could be a sidearm if you wanted it to.

№ 27 — Hoslow’s Petal Whip

Hoslow’s Petal Whip Weapon type — Whip Requirement: 10 Strength 20 Dexterity On top of being one of the easiest weapons to be able to power stance without rolling over into NewGame+, Hoslow’s Whip is also fully infusible and buffable while having a physical AR that barely pulls ahead of every other whip in its class. Cold Affinity somehow winds up having better Dex scaling with Lightning Affinity, but that’s not nearly enough to ever make me say this weapon doesn’t deserve the recognition it gets. It still keeps its C scaling in Dex with Blood Affinity, which, if we’re being honest, is all that really matters to most of you.

№ 26 — Iron Cleaver

Iron Cleaver Weapon type — Axe Requirement: 15 Strength 7 Dexterity Woohoo, more R1 spam. Probably the most efficient way to turn what should have been a multifaceted combat system into a button-mashing experience. That involves one button. You wanna be the first person on YouTube to beat Elven Ring with a ♥♥♥♥♥♥’ Atari controller? Here’s your weapon.

№ 25 — Zweihander

Zweihander Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 19 Strength 11 Dexterity Only 13 strength needed if you’re two-handing it, which is, y-y-you know, the point, and it gets A’s in both Heavy and Keen Affinities, and it weighs considerably less than other Colossal Swords, making Keen Hander builds surprisingly low maintenance. There’s a little else I need to say about this sword. It’s a giant steel paddle, or a giant steel needle, depending on your stats, and it might be the only Colossal Sword comfortable enough to power stance without needing to invest too much in endurance.

№ 24 — Godskin Peeler

Godskin Peeler Weapon type — Twinblade Requirement: 17 Strength 22 Dexterity Widely regarded as the best twin blade in the game, and the fact that it starts out with an extremely satisfying ash that’s as fun to use as it is powerful means it’s already swinging harder than any other twinblade we’ve looked at. But that’s not where the benefits stop. Like the Twin Swords, it has status modifiers that climb all the way into the 120s and beyond, the unique Heavy attacks give you access to Pierce damage, and it’s surprisingly one of the more accessible weapons on the list, since it only has strength and dex requirements, despite having a Black Flame Ash. The Running Heavy has up to six possible hits, which is just lunacy on status builds, and the Flame Art Affinity is just as good as you think it is.

№ 23 — Lusat’s Glintstone Staff

Lusat’s Glintstone Staff Weapon type — Glintstone staff Requirement: 10 Strength 52 Intelligence 50% more FP is surprisingly easy to manage with the right talisman setup, and a smart use of physic tiers. The purpose of this staff isn’t to increase the already atomic level damage you get from your Comet Azure, it’s to unlock the potential of multi-projectile sorceries. Single shot spells like Cannon of Haima and Magma Shot tend to receive a negligible boost of maybe 10% on a good day, but high projectile spells like Carian Phalanx and Stars of Ruin receive upwards of 20-30%, with some sorceries like Crystal Barrage seeing a substantial boost of around 600 damage at 80 intelligence. FP management is something that has a different level of importance depending on who you ask, but honestly, in most situations, the quicker ♥♥♥♥ just dies, the better shape you’ll be in.

№ 22 — Godslayer’s Greatsword

Godslayer’s Greatsword Weapon type — Colossal sword Requirement: 20 Strength 22 Dexterity 20 Faith I, like many of you, tend to forget summons are even in the game, but Dragonbarrow scaling can dine on my non-existent foreskin, so using Spirit Ashes to get through this ♥♥♥♥♥♥’s face that much quicker is a strategy I think more people should just start doing without question. The requirements are extremely easy to meet considering how deep into the game’s intestines you are. The light attacks are incredibly quick for a colossal sword, giving it the highest damage potential of any sword in its class, some HP sapping never hurt anyone …important, and its strongest physical scaling is DEX, meaning you can shave off 7 of its strength demand just by two-handing it, and the sword’s power is almost completely unaffected.

№ 21 — Noble’s Slender Sword

Noble’s Slender Sword Weapon type — Straight sword Requirement: 8 Strength 11 Dexterity The 0.5% drop rate looks pretty aggravatingly out of the way until you remember you can find entire crowds of these guys in Limgrave trying to turn flower picking into a side hustle. The Slender Sword gets constantly overlooked as one of the best, if not the best straight sword you can find. The low base damage is offset by extremely high DEX scalings on status affinities, reach unlike any other straight sword, a crit modifier of 110, and it earns an A in both heavy and keen infusions on their respective stats. The stat demands are basically nothing. It looks cute as hell, and it performs wonderfully in every combat situation.

№ 20 — Pickaxe

Pickaxe Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 22 Strength 10 Dexterity How in the ♥♥♥♥ are these pointy stone doorstop-looking hammers this good? The massively high poise damage on Great Hammers combined with exclusive pierce damage means there’s not a single dragon enemy or boss that can stand up to this mammoth. Its status affinities still retain Bs in strength across the board, making Cold Infusions extremely popular with this weapon. Glintstone Miners are incredibly easy to farm with a good strike damage option, so picking up two of these in a single run is only a small chore on the worst days.

№ 19 — Pike

Pike Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 20 Strength 14 Dexterity The longest spear. That’s just about all the benefits it has. Long and spear. Regarding how wonderful those benefits actually are in practice, I’ll let the fact that this weapon is the 19th on the whole list speak for itself.

№ 18 — Great Stars

Great Stars Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 22 Strength 12 Dexterity The passive health regen triggers even when the attack is blocked, lending itself to ashes like Stormcaller, Prelate’s Charge, Wild Strikes, and even ashes you’d think wouldn’t trigger the health regen like Golden Land. Power Stancing them expectedly procs the health regen twice per attack, great scalings for status affinities, just about every positive I’ve said for previous weapons around this tier also apply to Great Stars in addition to its health regen benefits. It’s dependable, fun, and you can never go wrong with it.

№ 17 — Moonveil

Moonveil Weapon type — Katana Requirement: 12 Strength 18 Dexterity 23 Intelligence You ever just wake up in the morning and think, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, I’m gonna be a tumor today. I had a weird monologue prepared about how amazing it is that you can just add a projectile onto a standard Ash of War and it suddenly becomes a ♥♥♥♥♥♥’ pocket IBCM, but Unsheath by itself was already debatably in that state, so. With a B scaling in both Dex and Intelligence at +10, it’s easy to see why so many people made this. Split damage doesn’t really matter that much when the unique skill allows you to hit with both the sword and the projectile simultaneously. And I’m so embittered by how great this katana is because it’s probably one of the most boring weapon concepts I’ve ever seen from FromSoft.

№ 16 — Siluria’s Tree

Siluria’s Tree Weapon type — Great spear Requirement: 27 Strength 13 Dexterity 20 Faith There’s a growing misguided stereotype towards holy weapons that holy automatically equals bad right out of the gate only because it doesn’t help you during the endgame, but that unfortunately leads to a lot of people sleeping on 16-cylinder unaliving machines like Siluria’s Tree. I think the most notable thing about it would be its unreasonably high amount of hyper armor on its unique skill. The beefiest part of the skill has motion values of 276, which also means the skill exclusively scales with how upgraded the spear is and not off your faith stat. In case you have no point of reference for how high of a number that actually is, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Giant Hunt has 220.

№ 15 — Great Omenkiller Cleaver

Great Omenkiller Cleaver Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 23 Strength 12 Dexterity There are just enough of these ♥♥♥♥-uglies roaming around to not have to roll over to NewGame+ for them to be power-stanceable. Wild Strikes being the default on such a weapon is invaluable, and the only real setbacks I can think of aren’t really setbacks as much as they are missed opportunities. There are plenty enough omens running around to justify a possible damage bonus against omen-type enemies, including Mohg and Morgott. Maybe just, like, 10%? I don’t know, like, not a huge help, but enough to make a difference.

№ 14 — Cranial Vessel Candlestand

Cranial Vessel Candlestand Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 26 Strength 8 Dexterity 22 Faith You’ll never complain about tree spirits ever again. You’ll practically forget why they made you so mad and possibly even forget they existed altogether. It’s not uncommon to see five digit damage rack up against whoever’s ballsack is caught above the blast zone. But most weapons with over-torqued, unique skills tend to be nothing more than glorified casting wands, and this really isn’t the case here. It’s a solid great hammer with a solid amount of damage output, even without its atom bomb of a skill.

№ 13 — Bandit’s Curved Sword

Bandit’s Curved Sword Weapon type — Curved sword Requirement: 11 Strength 13 Dexterity How? How? This is like making me legitimately mad. What is it with these inconspicuous toilet-scrubber-looking weapons hiding nuclear reactor levels of power? The Bandit’s Curve Sword might have some of the greatest elemental infusion stats I’ve ever seen. The same infusions also take a noticeably smaller chunk away from its base damage, and when those two benefits work together, it renders other options in its class just completely impractical when it comes to elemental damage. It is THE sidearm for caster builds. Like, nothing else compares.

№ 12 — Rusted Anchor

Rusted Anchor Weapon type — Greataxe Requirement: 26 Strength 9 Dexterity I think the most powerful asset on this greataxe is its fully-dedicated pierce damage. You can put wild strikes on it if you want, I guess, but there isn’t much ground to be gained in swinging an anchor around like a lobotomite, and you do rack up some pretty great damage that way, don’t get me wrong, but the barbaric roar as a default is simply way too important a skill to squander. It drops from the scale you misbegotten in Morne Tunnel, meaning it’s an insanely easy grab from the very start, mid-A scaling with heavy affinity, Bs in strength for all the status affinities, and the unreasonably high base damage is really just the cherry on top of the tumor sundae.

№ 11 — Envoy’s Long Horn

Envoy’s Long Horn Weapon type — Great hammer Requirement: 23 Strength 11 Dexterity 18 Faith I don’t know how this game managed to create a holy damage attack that even shreds Elden Beast of all bosses, but the Longhorn sports it proudly. Whip this out against any dragon boss and there’s a solid chance they won’t even make it to phase 2. Flying enemies can’t hang, death birds can’t hang, and the hammer itself is also lighter than most other great hammers. And the decent reach means it has potential in PvP, and nothing ever feels as good as absolutely tyrannizing anything bigger than your player character by blowing bubbles in their face. It’s just one of those weapons that win you the game as soon as it’s handed to you.

№ 10 — Lance

Lance Weapon type — Great spear Requirement: 20 Strength 14 Dexterity Notice how suddenly great spears have just started appearing as we get further towards the end of the list? It might be a bit late for me to just cram this fact in here, but part of the reason why great spears have continued dominating PvP is that the great spear attacks in your offhand get hyper armor. There is precisely zero reason for this, and the fact that this is still in the game at 1.10 upsets me tremendously. You’ve also got the counter attack damage, the spear talisman that reinforces block poke playstyles, and the absurdly long reach even compared to other great spears.

№ 9 — Cleanrot Knight’s Sword

Cleanrot Knight’s Sword Weapon type — Thrusting sword Requirement: 11 Strength 13 Dexterity Thrusting swords have experienced an impromptu rise in popularity due to having pierced damage, incredible speed, particularly powerful movesets on status builds, access to a great library of weapon ashes, and just generally being all rounders that can handle just about any situation. The Cleanrot Knight’s Sword consistently has the highest AR of its class regardless of affinity, and takes an even bigger lead in the reach department, making it objectively the best thrusting sword in the game.

№ 8 — Cross-Naginata

Cross-Naginata Weapon type — Spear Requirement: 16 Strength 20 Dexterity One quick trip to the forum of any wiki will perfectly articulate why people either adore or loathe this weapon’s existence in like 15 seconds. Good ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lord, Gael Tunnel is just the place to be, huh? A single Cross-Naginata is already brimming with advantages, considering it’s the fourth longest spear, its moveset has a touch of horizontality to it that allows it to perform well against crowds, highest physical AR of any spear by a decisive margin, passive bleed because, sure, why the ♥♥♥♥ not, and it retains B-scaling in Dex on all its status affinities, but that’s not even the greatest benefit. Power Stancing them provides one of the most brain-dead, ethically, cognitively, sexually deficient ways to play this game I think anyone has ever found.

№ 7 — Guardian’s Swordspear

Guardian’s Swordspear Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 17 Strength 16 Dexterity The Sword Spear remains a classic design in FromSoft history, and by classic design I mean it showed up in like two games, and I’m pretty sure it’s an actual weapon in real life anyway, so that makes it even less impressive. Getting hit by the Sword Spear is a train collision with no seatbelt. It has the physical AR of a Zweihander and the speed of a regular one-handed axe, probably. I didn’t measure it. It’s faster than a regular Halberd is the point. Much, much faster. There’s little else I can say about it. No strength scaling whatsoever on Keen Affinity, but that A in Dex translates to a staggering 1.68 scaling per level. In order for a weapon to be considered S, it needs to be at least 1.75, so basically an S in disguise.

№ 6 — Dragon Communion Seal

Dragon Communion Seal Weapon type — Sacred seal Requirement: 10 Faith 10 Arcane The seal with the highest scaling, earliest pickup location except the finger seal, obviously. Arcane scaling helps it out tremendously when casting incantations with status buildup of any kind, except Frost for some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ reason that’ll never be good enough for me. Gives Dragon Communion spells a 15% buff, turning Placidusax’s Ruin and Dragonmaw into even further capable machines of mass execution, and it’s ridiculously cheap to upgrade, especially considering it’s a Sombra weapon. The best seal in the game, by far. Like, incredibly far. I cannot stress just how utterly absent the competition is against this catalyst.

№ 5 — Nightrider Glaive

Nightrider Glaive Weapon type — Halberd Requirement: 26 Strength 10 Dexterity ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, I love this weapon. The first question we need to think about is, why? What advantage does this Halberd have that’s worthy of our attention? There’s a huge selection of other Halberds, full of situational benefits, perks, and various other talking points. It takes the strength scaling of Gargoyle’s Halberd and the reach of a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Greatspear and just smashes them right into your pathetic life, forcing you to look at them. It’s pretty difficult to try and sell this Halberd to someone without just pointing at that scaling and then shrugging your shoulders like, what? What do you mean that’s not good enough?

№ 4 — Nagakiba

Nagakiba Weapon type — Katana Requirement: 18 Strength 22 Dexterity The literal king of kings, the best weapon in what’s one of the most versatile weapon classes. The ranged game is almost never something you consciously deliver thought to, and if one sword has a higher base damage by, like, 20 points, you’re not gonna look at the extra 3 inches of the other sword and be like, well, let’s think about this. This is doubly true if you’re maining lighter weapons like Katanas, but honestly, having good weapon reach is something I would put right up there with stamina regen as one of the most overlooked and underappreciated details of gameplay. The only Katana that even comes close is Hand of Malenia, and that ♥♥♥♥’s locked behind such a double-Dexer bus of a dex requirement that its benefits in base new game barely even matter.

№ 3 — Raptor Talons

Raptor Talons Weapon type — Claws Requirement: 6 Strength 14 Dexterity The advancing R2s are all I need to rank these claws among the best in their class. I can complain about range as much as I want, and there’s gonna be an entire sub population of finger pointers in the community reminding me how much distance the heavies close, and I would’ve deserved it, because they’re right. They earn A scalings in both heavy and keen affinities, making them extremely flexible regardless of what build you’re investing in, and the charged heavy has a backflip in it. The charged heavy has a backflip in it. I just wanna make sure you understand the gravity of what I’m saying. But only when you power stance them does the true strength of these claws cut through. The heavy attack combo is terrifyingly quick. It works wonders in PvP because the heavy combo is also a true combo against other players. Add in 60 passive bleed per strike and you’ve got yourself one of the most overlooked, albeit horrifyingly destructive weapons you’ll ever pick up.

№ 2 — Mohgwyn’s Sacred Spear

Mohgwyn’s Sacred Spear Weapon type — Great spear Requirement: 24 Strength 14 Dexterity 27 Arcane Back in the days of PvP where using Rivers of Blood was punishable by the death sentence, people eventually got caught up in their hopelessness and decided some things were just never gonna get patched, leading to the exploration of counter options. But among these, one weapon in particular seemed to not only push back against its tyranny, but flat out neutralize it. The total damage racked up by the full 3-hit unique skill combined with the minimal player effort it takes for them to consistently land is just the goofiest ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thing I’ve ever seen in this game. It takes the multilayered mind games of online competition that keeps people enamored in PvP and turns it into a ♥♥♥♥-kicking simulator with no reward or payoff. I can’t even say the base new game benefits aren’t there because this thing single-handedly carries you through the Haligtree and stomps it into the soil it grew from. It’s got a C in Arcane Scaling and with a +10, it feels like an A.

№ 1 — Vyke’s War Spear

Vyke’s War Spear Weapon type — Great spear Requirement: 16 Strength 20 Dexterity 18 Faith In addition to being the only madness-themed weapon you are ever offered, this spear has the unique benefit of trapping players in a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ animation for 2 seconds upon being afflicted, and light rollers and bleed queens in PvP can now face the most literal interpretation of dying mad about it. It’s a great spear. It has fire damage. It has madness build-up. It’s extremely light for no damn reason. It has great scaling at +10. The skill’s damage is determined by weapon level. It has a horizontal swipe as a heavy, which gives it utility against crowds. It’s an early game obtainable. Pretty much every positive bullet point you’ve heard me list off for all other weapons in the video, this spear has in its pocket.